Obama and Kimmel’s best jokes from the Correspondents’ Dinner


WASHINGTON -- The 98th annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, held Saturday evening at the Washington Hilton, is intended to celebrate those journalists who inform the American public about important events and discussions in the nation’s capital. But the focus eventually ends up being the self-deprecating speech by the president and the subsequent address by a notable comedian. This year was no different, with President Obama and late-night host Jimmy Kimmel cracking wise about Republicans, Democrats, the media and more.

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For a write-up of the event, click here. But to cut to the chase -- the best jokes of the evening -- keep reading...

On Obama

“Remember when the country rallied around you in hope for a better tomorrow? That was a good one.” – Kimmel.

“What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.” – Obama.

“I have not seen ‘The Hunger Games.’ Not enough class warfare.” – Obama.

“This is how you know the country’s in bad shape. The president is starving. North Korea is sending him food aid.” – Kimmel on Obama’s weight.

“There’s a term for President Obama. Not two terms.” – Kimmel.

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On Romney

“We both have degrees from Harvard. I have one, he has two. What a snob.” – Obama, referring to presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney.

“It’s nice to be here in the nice, vast Hilton ballroom. Or as Mitt Romney would call it, a fixer-upper.” – Obama.

“He was so incensed that he asked if he could get some time on the Merv Griffin show.” – Obama on Romney’s response to his appearance with Jimmy Fallon.

On Republicans

“I guess it wasn’t Rick’s year. Rick’s year is 1954.” – Kimmel, referring to candidate Rick Santorum.

“It’s great to see the Gingriches here. I guess that means the check cleared.” – Kimmel on candidate Newt Gingrich and his wife.

“The reason he [House Speaker John Boehner] smokes so many cigarettes is because his tears keep putting them out.” – Kimmel.

On Democrats

“Uggie [the dog] is amazing. He can roll over on command. He’s a Democrat.” – Kimmel.

“We used to march. Now we Occupy.” – Kimmel on America’s weight problem.

“Three Hillaries? That sounds like President Clinton’s worst nightmare.” – Kimmel on Press Secretary Jay Carney knowing multiple Hilary Rosens.

“Four years ago I was locked in a primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Now she won’t stop drunk-texting me.” – Obama.

On the Media

“I’d like everyone to look under their seats. Under each you’ll find a copy of Keith Olbermann’s resume.” – Kimmel.

“What’s black and white and read all over? Nothing anymore.” – Kimmel.

“There’s no one linking to as much hard-hitting journalism as you’re linking to.” – Obama addressing Arianna Huffington.

On celebrities

“If you’re looking for the biggest threat to America, it’s right there -- Kim Kardashian.” – Kimmel.

“Everything that is wrong with America is here in this room.” – Kimmel, after listing off the politicians, members of the media and celebrities in attendance.

“Jimmy got his start on “The Man Show.” In Washington that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.” – Obama.

Original source: Obama and Kimmel’s best jokes from the Correspondents’ Dinner