Super Bowl vs. the Universe

Obviously, today’s Super Bowl is the most important event of the year, as it has been for the last XXXIX years. The Coming II or a Michael Jackson verdict might give the Super Bowl a run for its considerable money, if it happened on a weekend and someone had video.

But all available evidence -- the meaningless hype that circulates on TV and in print like a gaseous nebula during the seven days before The Kickoff -- indicates the overpowering impact of this game day.

A billion-plus Chinese may not be watching, but maybe half of Americans will. Most of history’s most-viewed TV events have been Super Bowls. Unverifiable but entertaining estimates show Super Bowl Sunday will cause 7.5 million parties and is closing on Thanksgiving as our most gluttonous day.

Oh, and there’s a football game too.

Without denying the colossal import of an athletic contest pitting large, rich men in colorful tight pants against each other, producing a final score forgotten before many can say “Happy Valentine’s Day,” let’s sprinkle a little perspective into the dip mix.

Those with no desire to watch 59 30-second ads for old beer or new cars skidding sideways across empty beaches might in boredom look up at the sky sometime this evening. They’d see our Milky Way galaxy splayed across the heavens, an expanse that, traveling at the speed of light, would take 100,000 Earth years to cross.

The Milky Way contains at least 20 billion planets and more than 200 billion stars, none named Terrell Owens. Yet one grain of sand at each end of today’s Super Bowl field would make Jacksonville’s Alltel Stadium more densely packed than space is with stars.

Here’s something to ponder before any halftime malfunctions: NASA scientists recently compiled evidence indicating there are at least 36 other Milky Way-size galaxies in various stages of formation and collapse. Makes 100 rushing yards seem rather small.

It takes eight minutes for sunlight to reach Earth. Traveling at light speed, it takes 13 hours for radio messages to reach Earth from Voyager 1, now 8.84 billion miles away and adding 1 million more each day.

NFL Films’ vaults contain about 19,000 miles of film, while Earth’s diameter is 8,000 miles and the sun’s is 860,000 miles. In about 4 billion years, the sun will run out of hydrogen, destabilize and expand violently, incinerating Mercury, Venus and Earth, among other things. That is, unless the hype from Super Bowl 4,000,000,039 expands to consume the sun first.