Sound the Trumpets; Here’s Flutiemania!

“FLUTIE!”

Need I say more? The biographical novel we’ve all been waiting for is on its way to bookstores and supermarkets near you.

This, fans, is not one of those instant books like the quickie Carl Lewis biography that hit the streets--and never got up--three days after Lewis’ final Olympic triumph. It has been weeks since Doug Flutie won that Heisman Trophy.

I haven’t read the book yet, so consider this not so much a book review as a public-service reader alert.

As for the contents of “FLUTIE!,” we’ll have to rely on the press release from the publisher, Globe Pequot Press, which promises that the book “is a fascinating biographical look at the ‘Magic Flutie.’ . . . The first play-by-play account of Flutie’s amazing college career.”

The first of many play-by-play accounts, surely.

Be forewarned that the term “play-by-play” is slightly misleading. Every play of Flutie’s college career is not documented in the book. They left out most of the punts, I believe. However . . .

“There are write-ups of the critical games,” said Kate Siegel Bandos, promotion director for the publisher. “Not every single game has a full chapter.”

Despite this oversight, the book does contain an appendix fairly bursting with individual Flutie statistics and Boston College statistics for “the Flutie years.” If you’re like me, not into statistics, you’ll remove the appendix.

I asked Bandos if this book, written by Boston Globe sportswriter Ian Thomsen, is an authorized biography.

“He (Flutie) did not participate in the writing directly, but he has not put up a fuss about it,” Bandos said.

I hope Flutie can avoid the temptation to participate in his own overexposure and commercial exploitation. Personally, I would rather think of him as a fine quarterback than as a soda-pop salesman, and perhaps his football salary and his own own sensitivity will allow him that luxury.

But whether or not Flutie takes part in it, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of the media blitz surrounding this enormously popular young man.

Take the book, for instance. “FLUTIE!” covers Flutie’s youth and college career, and paves the way for such follow-up volumes as:

--”FLUTIE?” An investigation into his disappearance since signing with the USFL.

--”FLUTIE$” A nosy peek at his personal finances.

--”flutie.” A revealing look at the quiet side of the man.

In addition, inside sources in the industry assure me that we ain’t seen nothin’ yet in terms of the Flutie-zation of America. Look for:

--The Broadway musical “Dancin’ Dougie!” starring John Travolta as Doug, and Linda Ronstadt as the dancer who shows a gangly kid quarterback how to dodge rushing defenders by using Latin dance steps. Sample review: “I was knocked out by the chorus line number, those 270-pound pass blockers and their synchronized leg-whipping.”--N.Y. Times.

--The TV show, a sitcom tentatively titled “I Love Flutie.” If it turns out that Flutie isn’t big enough yet to carry his own show, he will join an already established sitcom. One rumor has him being considered for adoption by the family in “The Bill Cosby Show.”

--The TV miniseries. Starring Matt Dillon as Doug, Dick Clark and Linda Evans as his parents. “This is no fantasy. We tell it like it is,” says the movie’s director. “OK, maybe we did take some license in a couple of instances, like the baby part, where the tiny space capsule from Krypton crashes on the farm of Ma and Pa Flutie.”

--The exercise book “Diggin’ Down with Doug.” Follow Flutie’s method and quickly trim inches from your waist, thighs and height.

--The album “Billy Bob Doug.” A country-western album, featuring guest singers such as Willie Nelson and Emmylou Harris. “Some people say they have trouble hearing Doug on the songs,” says the album’s chief engineer. “Next time, in the recording sessions, we’re going to give him a microphone.”

--The movie documentary “Doug and Elvis,” exploring the little-known friendship between the two superstars. Rare home-movie footage of Doug throwing a Frisbee and opening Christmas presents is combined with concert footage of Elvis. “Granted, the two are never actually seen on camera together, but I think we convincingly establish their close relationship and how they influenced one another’s careers,” says the show’s producer.

--The “60 Minutes” expose “Flutie Doody?” in which Mike Wallace reveals startling evidence that Doug is related to the aging, reclusive ex-TV star Howdy Doody.

There’s a lot more, but I have to rush this column into publication, in order to capitalize on Flutiemania.