A Trivia Quiz on the USFL, the League That Needs Answers

Doug Flutie’s signing to the contrary, it seems to me that the USFL remains shy on name identification. There are things about the USFL we either forgot or never knew other than a vague sense that it will begin a third season soon with the aid of a respirator.

But don’t take my word for it. Take this multiple choice quiz to determine your grasp of USFL lore.

--When Herschel Walker turned pro, who was his first coach?

1) Douglas Fairbanks.

2) Chuck Fairbanks.

3) Chuck Berry.

4) Chuck Knox.

--Where are the Boston Breakers?

1) Out of town.

2) Out to lunch.

3) Gone with the wind.

4) Somewhere over the rainbow.

--Who was the original owner of the New Jersey Generals?

1) J. Walter Thompson.

2) J. Walter Duncan.

3) Sir Walter Raleigh.

4) Walter Pidgeon.

--Which player was involved in the first trade in USFL history?

1) Greg Landry.

2) Tom Landry.

3) Tom Mix.

4) Trigger.

--What famous citizen-yachtsman of Atlanta once considered carrying USFL games over his TV superstation?

1) Ted Turner.

2) Keena Turner.

3) Tina Turner.

4) Turner Gill.

Our relative lack of knowledge about the USFL can be excused. After all, these people play in the spring when national attention is riveted on when the pennant races will really get started. This takes us into June, by which time the nippers are out of school and it’s time for a cozy family vacation that hastens the rate of divorce and disinheritance.

But the USFL ought to know better by now.

It ought to know about signing Heisman Trophy winners and expensive passers, and then chortling about outfoxing the NFL again. If anything, the opposite is true.

Flutie, the Boston College miniature, became the third straight Heisman winner to opt for USFL play when he agreed to join the Generals. The others were tailbacks Walker of Georgia and Mike Rozier of Nebraska. Brigham Young quarterback Steve Young also received an astounding payday.

Recall that Young signed a contract estimated to be worth $40-something million in cash plus several small islands in the Pacific. However, examine the fate of his team, the Los Angeles Express. The last anyone heard, its owner, a self-styled billionaire, was bailing out because of the condition of his wallet. He opened it one day and out flew a cloud of moths.

In the case of Rozier, his USFL team folded after one year. The Pittsburgh Maulers are no more. They weren’t much anyway, what with the runner claiming he never recovered from an Orange Bowl injury. Rozier’s confession that he was paid by an agent while still performing for Nebraska did not increase his box-office appeal.

Only his accountant knows whether Rozier made more money after he left college for the pros. He currently negotiates with Jacksonville of the USFL and Houston of the NFL. The world watches this titanic development with infinite patience.

So what magic did these megabuck signings work for the USFL?

They didn’t prevent the league from shrinking. Through shutdowns and franchise mergers, the USFL will kick off with 14 teams instead of 18 that were in business a year ago.

They couldn’t offset the USFL’s flawed assumption that springtime football would work. Of all the surveys the new league conducted, none investigated the weather. Spring is when rain comes. Some places so does snow. The wind blows. NBA playoffs are barely into their third month.

They haven’t kept the USFL from losing major TV markets in Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington and Detroit. This is a made-for-TV league, remember? (Who can argue that the NFL isn’t). But when you admit being made-for-TV and then can’t find a major network willing to beam your games--the USFL problem when it goes to a fall schedule in ‘86--what do you do?

You fire the commissioner. You sue the NFL, and look the fool claiming restraint of trade or similar nonsense. The NFL hasn’t done anything. That’s where it was smart. The NFL considered these major options: counter-raid USFL players, move its draft forward to compete directly with the USFL or, tend to internal business while the USFL spent itself broke.

Walker may gain 9,000 yards for the Generals this year, but so what? That’s the hurdle the USFL can’t clear--the image of a so-what league.

Now comes Flutie, who declined to await the NFL draft in April. He goes to New Jersey for a reported $5.6 million on a five-year deal. He’s smart, assuming every dollar is guaranteed. Doubtful that any NFL team would have ponied up that much for a 5-9 3/8 quarterback. This brings us to the last quiz question.

Name the dopey USFL owner who agreed to give Flutie such a contract?

1) Donald O’Connor.

2) Donald Carter.

3) Donald Trump.

4) Donald Duck.