ROBERT HILBURN : ‘TALL TALES’ IS A BOOK WITH A MESSAGE: BORING

The Rolling Stones are indestructible, right?

Personnel changes in the band, scandals, lousy albums--none of this has dethroned the one-time bad boys of English rock from their reign as the biggest concert attraction in the world.

But will anybody be able to look at the Stones with a straight face after Jerry Hall’s “Tall Tales” hits the bookstores?

No, the paperback book--out this month for $9.95 from Pocket Books--doesn’t make intentional fun of the Stones. The jokes are going to come from the people who read it.

“Tall Tales” isn’t yet another detailed account of the Stones’ old renegade life style. The Stones always benefit from that type of hype.

What we’re dealing with is the autobiography of Hall, who is described on the cover as “Mick Jagger’s Longtime Love: From Texas to the Top! Supermodel, Jet Set Star!”

It may be the dumbest rock book ever printed.

And don’t let the fact that this is the “autobiography” of a “supermodel” fool you. This is a rock book. The sales motivation is Hall’s relationship with Jagger.

Or do you think it’s an accident that Mick’s name is mentioned four times in the opening paragraph? And it’s not even that long a paragraph.

The fact that Hall and Jagger, who have a year-old daughter, are still living together gives you a clue to the book’s character.

If she wrote a book after Jagger’s death, most people would think of it as exploitative. If she wrote it after a bitter breakup, it’d be considered a tacky move. The fact she wrote it while she and the Jumping Jack Flash are still together makes you know it is going to be b-o-r-i-n-g.

Poor Mick.

Here’s a guy who has labored years to build a controversial mystique. His songs have been attacked as sexist by feminist groups and as corrupting by parental organizations. None of which hurt sales. But Hall bares all: Mick is really this soft-hearted sweetie-poo.

Why, this man, whose sinister and hedonistic ‘60s image rattled parents’ nerves, even has fears of his own.

Hall describes in the book’s typically breathless style the time she and Jagger were spotted by a large group of fans while walking in New York. According to her account, the fans were “chasing after us like a mob scene . . . grabbing . . . pulling off my hat, yanking at my hair, ripping the bobby pins. . . . Finally these policemen came over with their sticks and started pushing them back. I swear to you, our knees were knocking in terror. It was unbelievable.”

Mick Jagger’s knees knocking in terror?

The man who once sang “Sympathy for the Devil”?

The quickie exploitation books on celebrities pop up so frequently these days that we’re almost immune to them, but it seems especially distasteful for celebrities to exploit themselves with books that are little more than self-absorbed, gee-whiz ramblings.

Madonna also talks about the glamorous life, but she does it with a good-natured sarcasm. Hall elevates glamour to the level of contemporary religion:

“I think glamour’s what we live for. I think we strive for beauty and for making life easier. There’s so much horrible violence in the reality all around us that if you can’t weave a web of mystery and glamour to protect you from all this horrible reality . . . life’s just too boring! Some things still have glamour for me. Mick does. On tours, I love to look out at the stage from backstage. I get so proud looking out at the audience. There’ll be all these tens of thousands of people wanting Mick and I’ll think: That’s my man! I’ll just be bustin’ with pride.”

Hall also shares the joys and trials of motherhood. “The first couple of months were pretty easy,” she confides. “I didn’t have much morning sickness. There were about three weeks at the very beginning where I felt nauseous but I never threw up.”

And then there is Jerry Hall on career:

“Ever since (my daughter was born), I get asked, ‘Well, Jerry, you’ve got it all--a man, a career and now a baby.’ Do you still want . . . more? I say, ‘I think every girl wants more.’ Isn’t it true.”

And there is more. I hear Hall is pregnant again. Maybe there’ll be a Volume 2, “More Tall Tales.”

Gee whiz.

LIVE ACTION: Tom Petty and Lone Justice will be at the Pacific Amphitheatre on Aug. 4. Tickets go on sale Monday. . . . The Smiths will be at Irvine Meadows Amphitheatre on June 29. . . . Africa’s Touri Kunda pop band will be at the Palace on June 16. . . . Roberta Flack headlines the Beverly Threatre on July 19. . . . Kris Kristofferson will be at the Crazy Horse in Santa Ana on June 24. . . . Radioactive, featuring Runaways founder Cherie Currie, headlines the Golden Bear on June 14.