A New Book With Old Jokes

In his new book, “The Official Sports Maniacs Joke Book,” Larry Wilde tells about San Francisco 49er owner Ed DeBartolo Jr. looking up one Sunday and noticing an empty seat on the 50-yard line at Candlestick Park.

DeBartolo rushed up to see why it was unoccupied and found a little, old lady sitting next to the seat. He asked her why it was empty.

“It’s my husband’s seat,” she said.

“Why isn’t he here?” DeBartolo asked.

“He’s dead,” she said.

“Then why didn’t you give the ticket to one of his friends?” he said.

“I couldn’t,” she said. “They’re all at his funeral.”

Manager Jim Frey of the Chicago Cubs on Davey Lopes: “In spring training, we were talking about a kid who could run like hell. I said to him, ‘You used to run like that,’ and he said, ‘Used to?’ ”

Frey can’t remember the name of the kid, but he knows he’d rather have Lopes. The 39-year-old utilityman already has stolen 18 bases. Not only that, he’s hitting .313.

Trivia Time: He was favored in all three races, but Chief’s Crown finished third in the Kentucky Derby, second in the Preakness and third in the Belmont. Has any other horse been favored in all three and failed to win? (Answer below.)

Said New York Yankee first base coach Stump Merrill when his wife Carole asked him what else he did other than pat guys on the rear end: “Nothing. How about some practice?”

Add Forgettable Quotes: Said Pat Williams, general manager of the Philadelphia 76ers May 5 when it was rumored that Billy Cunningham would quit as coach: “Billy is a very active person. He needs the action. He’ll play golf with Rollie Massimino this summer and he’ll get his batteries recharged, and he’ll be ready for the blender all over again.”

Three weeks later, Cunningham pulled the plug.

Add Massimino: 76er owner Harold Katz told the Associated Press that he would talk to the Villanova coach but thought Massimino was too emotional to go through an NBA schedule.

Too emotional? Has Katz ever watched Hubie Brown on the sidelines?

Trivia Answer: In 1970, My Dad George was favored in all three but finished second in both the Kentucky Derby and Preakness, and fifth in the Belmont. The respective winners were Dust Commander, Personality and High Echelon.

Quotebook

Glenn Wilson of the Philadelphia Phillies, asked the last time he knocked in six runs in back-to-back games: “When I hit a plastic ball in my backyard in 1968.”