If Letters Stir Him, He Gives Them His Stamp of Approval

There are few things in life I enjoy more than engaging in stimulating dialogue with my readers. Unfortunately, face-to-face contact with these folks is not always possible, or advisable.

However, through the magic of the U.S. Mail, and my own italic inserts into readers’ letters, we can carry on an exchange of meaningful thoughts and ideas, which is what civilization is all about, y’know?

And now, to the mailbag . . .

Are things so mundane in the world of sports that Scott Ostler has to write about why players spit? Actually, I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s been writing garbage for years now. The guy has been in a longer slump than the San Francisco Giants.

(That depends on whether you count my college career or just my pro stats.) To give him some credit, however, he did turn out a couple of good columns sometime back in April or May. That means he (sic) due shortly for another interesting, well written article.

(I’ve got a hunch this one is it!) I don’t know how much Ostler gets paid for his “work” but I’m sure it’s more than most of us will ever bring home. I’m fed up with the escalating salaries of overrated ballplayers, but this feeling extends to overrated journalists as well!

--TODD WARRINGTON

Manhattan Beach

Thanks for helping me earn my $1,000 day’s pay, Todd. I am not Al Davis, only a fan of his. In reading your article to Mr. Davis (advising him to start Rusty Hilger at quarterback) I suggest you not compare (records). His winning percentage is well over .700, highest in professional sports. You on the other hand have not had one winning article since you have been in L.A.

(Hey, I’ve only been here eight years. Give a guy a chance.) Instead of worrying about Davis turning over the football, why don’t you consider turning over your typewriter!

--BILL BARNETT

Encino

How’s this, Bill? And for allowing me to use your letter, I will be mailing you a gift box of commas. (Re: recent column criticizing USC for recruiting violations.) Scott Ostler is a sick writer, and it shows up badly in the L.A. Times. Scott Ostler is not a funny writer, and it shows up easily in the L.A. Times.

(Gee, I was hoping nobody had noticed.) Scott Ostler writes a one-sided article which strongly misleads the uninformed, and further maligns the integrity of persons and institutions by innuendo without proof.

--STAN WINSTON

Costa Mesa

Are you ghost-writing for Howard Cosell, Stan, or just breaking in a new legal dictionary? I just read Scott Ostler’s article on Jigger Statz. I agree that Jigger was a great center fielder.

As a kid growing up in the L.A. area . . . Jigger was my idol for a couple of years--mainly, I suppose, because I was a fast, great center fielder for an 11-, 12-, 13-year-old.

He was my idol until I wrote him a letter telling him how great he was and would he please send me his signature or possibly a photo of his. I’ve yet to hear from him. Guess he hasn’t got around to his 1932 fan mail yet!

For 53 years, he has been a disappointment to me. I’ve rooted against all L.A. baseball teams since 1932 because of him.

--FRANK FORTHOFFER

Oceanside

Uh, Frank, have you considered seeing a good psychiatrist? I don’t know if I’ll ever have the satisfaction of knowing that you even read this letter, but I feel I must make the effort to tell you what a jerk you are.

What has prompted this analysis, you ask? Well, it could have been any one of dozens of columns you have written but the catalyst this time is your inane article . . . on the Rams’ offense.

But what really ticks me off are sportswriters in general. Do you know what a sportswriter is?

(Hold it, Lynn, while I pull up a footstool and grab a cup of coffee.) He’s a guy who failed journalism. (Maybe so, but I’ve had my college transcripts surgically altered.) You see, Mr. Oetsler (Say, Lynn, are you sure you don’t have me mixed up with Bob Oates?) , a real journalist is a man who uncovers something like Watergate. He risks his life in places like Lebanon or Afghanistan. (Ever been in the Raiders’ locker room, pal?) He does oodles of research to write an objective analysis of a complicated and controversial issue. Do you know what a sportswriter does?

(Takes cheap shots at people who write letters to him?) He goes to a staged event, demanding free tickets of course, and in the relative comfort of a press box, eating fee hot dogs and chips (Myself, I’m a nacho man) , he watches an event and then makes asinine commentary. He asks deep and searching questions like, “What were you thinking on third and five?”

And you have the unmitigated gall to suggest strategy.

--LYNN R. WRIGHT

I had my gall surgically mitigated.