Home for Unwed Mothers Grows Into Support Network

There may have been some squirming when Claire Frawley, a Roman Catholic nun, opened North County’s first home for unwed mothers in a quiet residential neighborhood on the west side of town in April, 1983.

The home served as an acknowledgement of sorts that North County was not immune to social problems, including the issue of where to house single, pregnant women who, for whatever reason, do not live with their parents and are unable to afford their own places.

The need for such a home became quickly obvious: The unpretentious two-story, four-bedroom home filled immediately with young women.

As the new mothers left when their children became two months old, other pregnant women took their places; there hasn’t been a vacant bed for 2 1/2 years. More than 100 women have come and gone, and more have been turned away.

Frawley suggested there may be a need for a dozen such homes in North County, and she may be on her way to filling the bill.

Today, Frawley heads the incorporated, nonprofit St. Clare’s Home, a network of three homes for unwed mothers. All three are in Escondido, but the women come from throughout San Diego County and occasionally as far as Los Angeles.

Her two newest homes opened in September. One, a five-bedroom, 2,200-square-foot home with a large, fenced backyard, was purchased with a $127,000 state Emergency Shelter Program grant. The other, a new four-bedroom house, was purchased by the City of Escondido for $89,000 with a federal community development grant; the city, in turn, leases the building to St. Clare’s for $1 a year.

For their part, pregnant women pay $230 a month, and mothers with newborns pay $280 a month to stay at either the original home or the city-owned facility. By condition of the state grant, no rent is charged to occupants of the largest home.

Frawley scoffs at suggestions that a single large institution would be more economical and practical than several smaller homes.

“Lots of these girls have never lived in a nice home. I want to motivate them to improve their standards of living. We want them to improve their lives,” Frawley said. “One way is by allowing them to live in a nice place like this--something they may not have had when they were children.”

At each home there are weekly group counseling sessions and house meetings, during which the women work out their differences. There are curfews--11 p.m. on weekdays and midnight on weekends--and each woman has assigned chores around the home. Each home has a paid house mother, and a mix of pregnant women and new mothers.

“You’ve heard of that adage, ‘I felt bad that I didn’t have any shoes until I saw a man with no feet,’ ” said Frawley, describing how some pregnant girls are full of self-pity until they come to the homes and see others who are worse off.

“These girls need a support system, and they can get it here. It’s important for the girls to learn from one another--not only their life experiences but on such practical matters as how to handle a newborn,” said Frawley.

Frawley applauds Escondido city officials for their compassion in awarding the grant money for one of the homes. But she acknowledges that most of the girls are not from Escondido, and she seeks financial support elsewhere.

The city of Oceanside, for instance, contributed $10,000 in federal grant funds toward the cost of the homes after Frawley demonstrated that 24% of the women came from that community.

Frawley hopes to open at least two more homes--one that would be licensed to handle pregnant minors, and another that would be licensed to house emotionally troubled women who aren’t disturbed enough to qualify for hospitalization.

“That would be an expensive undertaking, though, because it would require round-the-clock nursing care,” she said.

Monthly expenses for the three homes run above $5,000. Private donations help make ends meet, she said.

In San Diego, unmarried pregnant women can seek shelter at the Salvation Army’s Door of Hope or at a home operated by Catholic Community Services. But until new homes are opened in North County, Frawley said, she will continue to refer emergency housing needs to private family homes in the area.

Those who are lucky enough to find room at St. Clare’s are appreciative.

One woman, with a week-old son at her side, said of her situation: “I was living in a home with a roommate who skipped town and left me with $800 payments. I couldn’t go to my family. If I couldn’t have come here, I would have been a pregnant lady living on the beach. But that’s not something I like thinking about.”