Acupuncture May Not Be Butt of Bad Jokes in Chicago Any Longer

Wearing headbands that read “acupuncture,” an Illinois legislator and two acupuncturists held a press conference Monday in Chicago to promote a bill that would license acupuncture in the state.

Before the Super Bowl, Jim McMahon of the Chicago Bears received acupuncture treatment on his buttocks from Hiroshi Shiriashi, a trainer for the Japanese national track team.

Said Alan Greiman (D-Skokie): “Acupuncture is an idea whose time had almost come before. Now, thanks to our quarterback’s butt, it’s here.”

Add acupuncture: Bear receiver Willie Gault, who discovered Shiriashi in Japan during a track tour, told George Vecsey of the New York Times: “Hiroshi uses thinner needles than most people. Most specialists cannot use his needles because they bend, but he has great touch.

“He closes his eyes and gets quiet while he feels for the right spot, and then he sticks the needle in for 10 seconds. You don’t even feel it when he’s working on meaty muscles, and when he’s around the knee, where there’s more bone, you feel a tingling.”

Trivia Time: Placekicker Tony Franklin, who scored four points for Philadelphia in the 27-10 loss to Oakland in 1981, also scored four points Sunday for New England. He thus became only the second player to score for more than one team in the Super Bowl. Who was the other? (Answer below.)

Add Trivia: Has there ever been a game where a defensive lineman who failed to get a sack made up for it by getting sacked himself? That’s a record William Perry may hold for eternity.

Add Forgettable Quotes: Said former Super Bowl MVP Larry Csonka of Jim McMahon before the game: “My fear is that all this publicity has been a drain on his time. Before a game, a quarterback has to train himself to react during a game, to make your subconscious aware of what to do because, in a game--you just have to do it. All those antics he was doing in practice, I can see the Patriots sharpening their teeth.”

Add McMahon: Nancy McMahon, the quarterback’s wife, told the New York Times: “A lot of people are surprised when they find out that Jim’s settled down with a family. They say, ‘You mean he’s got kids?’ They don’t realize what a great husband he is, what a great father.”

By-any-name dept.: In 1964, as the Boston Patriots, they lost to the San Diego Chargers, 51-10, in the most one-sided AFL championship game in history. On Sunday, as the New England Patriots, they lost to the Chicago Bears, 46-10, in the most one-sided Super Bowl in history.

If it were boxing, would they pick up their license?

Said New England tackle Brian Holloway Sunday night: “We got into the ring with the world champions today, and we got hit with every punch.”

Add Patriots: Said Coach Raymond Berry Monday: “I kept thinking there were 26 other teams who would have liked to have been there. But after yesterday, I’m not so sure.”

Said guard Ron Wooten: “I felt like we were the Washington Generals--you know, the team that loses every time to the Harlem Globetrotters.”

Trivia Answer: Placekicker Jim Turner. He scored for the New York Jets in 1969 and the Denver Broncos in 1978.

Quotebook

Chicago Bear Coach Mike Ditka, describing William Perry: “About 310 pounds, eyes of blue, about the cutest thing you ever saw.”