MOVIE REVIEW : GAG BLITZ BLUDGEONS ‘MONEY PIT’

When a real-estate pal tells you that you can grab a million-dollar estate for a mere $200,000 you ought to smell a rat.

But how many of us have risen to such bait, as do Tom Hanks and Shelley Long in “The Money Pit” (citywide)? They take one swift glance at Maureen Stapleton’s Long Island Georgian-style mansion and fall in love with it, Hanks especially. True, it’s clearly run down, but paint will work miracles, right? Wrong, for Hanks and Long have just fallen into what Hanks so aptly calls the “money pit,” which quickly seems bottomless.

Anyone who’s ever tried to fix up any kind of residence will respond with the laughter of recognition that “The Money Pit” frequently elicits. There’s that terrible fear of the unknown when walls and floors are boldly ripped open, coupled with that dreaded feeling of being at the mercy of those all-powerful figures--workmen.

Yet despite hilarious moments under Richard Benjamin’s unflagging direction, this Steven Spielberg production isn’t inspired enough to be as funny or satisfying as it should be.

First of all, writer David Giler gives Murphy’s Law--”Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong”--a real workout, piling up catastrophes to the point at which Hanks and Long begin to seem dense for not cutting their losses. Then, when Giler runs out of ideas for the special-effects crew, he resorts to that tired ploy of Hanks becoming irate over the possibility of Long having slept with ex-husband Alexander Godunov as a means of provoking a final crisis--as if this house of cards in itself weren’t enough to threaten their relationship.

The central and familiar problem, however, is one of scale. Hanks tells Long he’s just a conventional guy who wants a house of his own, a wife, 2.4 kids, maybe a dog and a white picket fence. But that mansion is no vine-covered cottage, and no conventional guy, especially one with so few financial assets, would set his heart on owning a domicile worthy of a Vanderbilt or, at the very least, Scarlett O’Hara.

And when things start going wrong they do so in an equally spectacular and elaborate way: The repair on a broken step triggers the total collapse of a flying spiral staircase. It is a great, funny effect in itself, but since it occurs so early on we’re left with the sense that the film makers are thereafter trying to top it.

“The Money Pit” grows increasingly mechanical, both in its content and in the resolution of its plot, as the effects start overwhelming this essentially modest little romantic comedy, just as they did “Young Sherlock Holmes.” (For what “The Money Pit” might have been, one need look no further than the vintage comedy said to have inspired it, “Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House.” (1948), with Cary Grant, Myrna Loy and Melvyn Douglas.)

Ironically, the film isn’t lacking for comic detailing, such as the brief scene demonstrating Hanks’ methods to obtain a loan from one of his most awful clients, a spoiled rotten adolescent rock star (Billy Lombardo) who could give Imelda Marcos lessons in imperiousness.

But these throwaway moments tend, as the picture progresses, to get literally buried in a plethora of falling ceilings, collapsing beds, crashing doors and short-circuited wiring.

“The Money Pit” is fortunate to be blessed with a cast that can stand up to the nonstop blitzkrieg as well as it does. This may be no “Splash” for Hanks or “Irreconcilable Differences” for Long, but they’re in there pitching.

Hanks is fast becoming the definitive white-bread yuppie comedian, a Harold Lloyd for the ‘80s, who is free of the smugness with which Chevy Chase is sometimes cursed. In Long there’s a loveliness and intelligence that never forsake her, no matter what happens to her or whatever she’s asked to do. And what a delight Godonov is, as able a comedian as he was a dramatic actor in “Witness.” Here, he’s the outrageously pompous great musician who’s endearing because he knows and admits with humor to his flamboyantly displayed faults.

Maureen Stapleton departs all too quickly. With pink-red hair, a feather boa and a hefty drink to fortify her, she’s got to raise cash quickly to keep her husband from being deported--the reason why is one of the film’s better lines. Joe Mantegna and Philip Bosco are also gems as a couple of guys you never, never want working on your house.

‘THE MONEY PIT’ A Universal release of an Amblin production. Exec. producers Steven Spielberg, David Giler. Producers Frank Marshall, Kathleen Kennedy, Art Levinson. Director Richard Benjamin. Screenplay David Giler. Camera Gordon Willis. Music Michel Colombier. Production designer Patrizia von Brandenstein. Special effects supervisor Michael Wood. Stunt coordinator Richard Ziker. Film editor Jacqueline Cambas. With Tom Hanks, Shelley Long, Alexander Godunov, Maureen Stapleton, Joe Mantegna, Philip Bosco, Josh Mostel, Yakov Smirnoff, Carmine Caridi, Brian Backer, Billy Lombardo, Mia Dillon, John van Dreelen, Douglass Watson.

Running time: 1 hour, 31 minutes.

MPAA rating: PG (Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children).