GASTRONOMICAL SINGLES

Imagine this heart-rending scenario: One day, quite by accident, you suddenly meet Ms. or Mr. Right. Sparks fly. Hopes soar. A date is made. Comes the big night, though--and you suddenly learn the awful truth about your newly intended: She or he is a G.U.--not a Geographical Undesirable, for what does that matter? No, I’m talking about something far worse here. I’m talking about an Undesirable of the Gastronomical variety, an antipodal palate, a mismatched mealmate. I mean, think about it: You’re 30 years old or so, you get hitched and you lead a long and healthy life, never straying from your true love’s side. Great. That gives you something like 55,000 more meals together, give or take a few. And don’t forget: You’ve got to sit across the table from this person. You can’t phone it in. And nobody misses dinner because they’ve got a headache. Face it, you’ve got yourself a real problem to chew on here.

Enter Martin Weiner, longtime Los Angeles wine importer and wholesaler and teacher of wine appreciation classes--and longtime single. Weiner has just announced the foundation of what he calls the Gourmet and Wine Lovers Exchange (pardon me, I’d like to exchange my wine-lover?), a nationwide organization for single adults that has no meetings, no wine tastings or prix-fixe meals, no events of any kind. Members simply receive a monthly newsletter filled with brief biographical sketches of other members--sketches heavily weighted (if you’ll pardon the expression) toward food and wine preferences. If one listing or another (or a whole bunch) sounds appetizing, an additional small fee will bring you a longer bio and contact information. That’s all. The main course is up to you--not to mention the dessert. Contact the GWLE at P.O. Box 1543, Culver City 90232, for a brochure and an application form. And eat in incompatibility no more.

A LA CARTE: Orleans in West Los Angeles has opened for lunch Monday through Friday and now serves dinner seven nights a week. Meanwhile, the Orleans Bayou Cafe, opened by the restaurant last year upstairs from the main dining room, is closed--and is being reworked with an unspecified “new concept” of some kind, scheduled to make its debut late in the summer. . . . High tea is on, complete with cucumber-and-cream-cheese and watercress-and-tomato finger sandwiches, among other English-style comestibles, from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m. daily at the new Paddington’s Tea Room on La Cienega. . . . Karen Kaplan, restaurant reviewer for LA Weekly and an associate editor at Bon Appetit, teaches a six-meeting UCLA Extension course in “The Fine Art of Restaurant Dining and Reviewing” (You mean I could have learned how to do it in school ?), beginning June 25. Call (213) 825-9415 for more information. . . . And on the same date, restaurant-guide author and radio host Paul Wallach begins a six-session lecture series for the same educational institution, entitled “All About Restaurants.” Scheduled speakers include chefs Ken Frank, Wolfgang Puck, Roy Yamaguchi and Reimond Hofmeister and food journalists Rose Dosti, Jan Weimar and Merrill Shindler. Details may be obtained at (213) 206-8120. . . . Mark Miller, formerly of the Santa Fe Bar & Grill and the Fourth Street Grill in Berkeley and now, finally, about to open his Coyote Cafe in Santa Fe, N.M., comes to town on--when else?--June 25 (what a busy day that’s going to be) to teach two different menu classes, morning and evening, at the Epicurean cooking school in West Hollywood. The number to call is (213) 659-5990. . . . Colburn Dudoit, formerly of Trumps, takes over from the recently departed Corey Robins as chef at the Original Sonora Cafe downtown--while Robins, meanwhile, is back at the Seventh Street Bistro, also downtown, as sous-chef . . . . It’s green corn tamale season at the El Cholo restaurants (Los Angeles, Orange and La Habra).