‘WHERE’S THE PRICE OF BEEF?’ CONSUMERS ASK

Attention, steak lovers: Beef prices are about to go way down. Or maybe way up. Or maybe they’ll just stay the same. Yes, that’s the definitive word for this week.

To put it another way, if it has ever occurred to you to wonder just what kinds of factors (other than the obvious ones, like season and fad) affect the cost of basic food items, sometimes causing them to rise or fall quite dramatically (with the rises, at least, often reflected in corresponding restaurant prices), consider the following meaty facts: Earlier this year, the U.S. Department of Agriculture began its somewhat ominous-sounding “Dairy Termination Program,” aimed at the orderly disposal of a large number of dairy cows, who have been rendered superfluous by this year’s abolition of governmental price supports for the dairy industry. And, of course, the best way to dispose of redundant bovines--you can’t just put ‘em out to pasture, after all--is to herd them off to the nearest abattoir, to transform them from cattle to packaged commodity. Groups like the National Cattlemen’s Assn., not surprisingly, were pretty upset at the prospect of all this extra beef suddenly flooding (trampling?) the market, and predicted that beef prices would plummet catastrophically (catastrophically for them , that is; we lay carnivores would have enjoyed such a plummet just fine). They even obtained a temporary injunction against the USDA’s program, which seemed to keep things steady for a time.

Meanwhile, not wishing to alienate the nation’s cattle ranchers, the government agreed to increase its own purchases of beef in coming months to help keep the market stable. Then came rumors that the Soviet Union had been making discreet inquiries into the possibility of snapping up a little capitalist cow-meat--because the Chernobyl region had been not only a major grain-producing area but important beef land as well. Not only that, but other European countries, which might have bought Soviet beef in the past, would presumably now be looking for new sources of supply too. And if worldwide demand for American beef were to increase (thanks to Chernobyl) and if the U.S. government continues its own stepped-up beef buys, then beef prices might well go up.

So far, nothing much has happened at all. About a quarter of the million-and-a-half cattle earmarked (so to speak) for slaughter by the USDA have already bought the farm; and no great increase in overseas beef purchases has yet occurred. Prices for us have stayed more or less where they were last month--and, for that matter, last year. But the specter of a major increase or decrease still haunts the prairies.

Imagine, under the circumstances, trying to price the steaks on the new menu you’re about to print--much less estimating the next quarter’s profits or losses for your 100-unit hamburger chain. And you thought all restaurant owners had to worry about was no-shows and wise-guy critics.

BASTILLE DAZE: Monday is Bastille Day--apparently some sort of big-deal French holiday. Probably every French and pseudo-French restaurant in town has something special planned for the occasion, and a few of them have told me about it. Par example: The Belle-Vue in Santa Monica will offer a special four-course (plus glass-of-wine) menu, including such real French fare as coq au vin , mussels mariniere and calf’s brains in black butter at $14--accompanied by all-day entertainment. . . . The Alleycat Bistro in Culver City proposes three-course menus at $16.95 and $19.95, with dancing to the sounds of (and I quote) “Ridiculous Stark Hickey” (and though it has nothing to do with either Bastille Day or the usual concerns of this column, I would be morally lax if I did not also mention that the justly legendary Della Reese performs at the Alleycat tonight). . . . Le Cafe in Sherman Oaks spices up its regular menu with entertainment by Jean-Marc Belkadi and a band of French musicians. . . . And L’Express in Sherman Oaks and North Hollywood celebrates Bastille Day for a whole darned week, through Friday, with a special menu, complimentary hors d’oeuvres, French songs on the record player, a drawing for a free trip to Paris and a Bastille Day trivia contest.

AFFAIRS TO REMEMBER: “New American Cuisine With Michael Roberts,” conducted of course by the noted Trumps chef himself, is the name of a three-session UCLA Extension course beginning Wednesday. Roberts will preview menus from his forthcoming cookbook. Call (213) 206-8120 for details. . . . UCLA Extension also presents a workshop on “Designing Successful Restaurants,” starring Wolfgang Puck and Barbara Lazaroff, as part of the annual American Society of Interior Designers conference, Thursday at the Century Plaza Hotel. The number this time is (213) 825-9061. . . . Joy Sterling, director of sales and marketing (and boss’s daughter) for the Iron Horse Winery in Sonoma County, presides over a “winemaker’s” dinner at Monique in South Laguna tomorrow night. . . . And Maude Chasen, who would hate being called “venerable” and would probably dance on the nearest tabletop to protest the application of the term to her, but who is nonetheless the venerable proprietor of Chasen’s in West Hollywood, will be honored at a benefit fashion show and buffet luncheon Saturday by the Dining Professionals of America at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. Call (213) 721-8447 for the low-down. . . . And in honor of Los Angeles Garlic Week, which begins officially today, La Toque on the Sunset Strip will serve a different five-course garlic menu (with garlic in every course but dessert) at $48 per person from Monday through Saturday. The regular a la carte and tasting menus will also be available.