No More Byes for Hawkeyes

THE COLLEGES

So far it’s been a strange, disappointing year for Iowa (0-1). The Hawkeyes opened with a 28-45 loss to UCLA Jan. 1 and then, because of a fluke in the schedule, were given byes for 36 straight weeks.

Still ranked No. 1 in the Bottom Ten, they finally return to inaction Sept. 13 against Iowa State (0-0) in a traditional game that’s always a real drudge match.

Others trying desperately to halt 1986 losing streaks include such unfortunates as Nebraska, Penn State, Auburn and Dartmouth’s lawyers. The latter were trounced in court by Coach Joe Yukica, who won his job back for the remaining year of his sentence, or, rather, contract.

The Rankings:

Team, ’86 Record Last ’86 Loss Next Loss 1. Iowa (0-1) 28-45, UCLA Iowa St. Sep. 13 2. Miami (F.)(0-1) 7-35, Tennessee S. Car. Aug. 30 3. Auburn (0-1) 16-36, Tex. A&M; Chttnoga Sep. 6 4. Penn State (0-1) 10-25, Oklahoma Temple Sep. 6 5. (Tie) Akron (0-0) Idle Salem Sep. 6 5. Notre Dame(0-0) Idle Mich. Sep. 13 7. (Tie) K. St.(0-0) Idle W. Ill. Aug. 30 7. Nebraska (0-1) 23-27, Michigan Fla.State Sep. 6 9. East (0-1) 10-23, West(Hula) Season Over 10. USC (0-0) Idle Illinois Sep. 13

11. Northwestern (0-0)*; 12. University of Texas at El Wobbly Paso (0-0); 13. Columbia (0-0); 14. Missouri (0-0); 15. Tie between lawyers at Dartmouth and Georgia (each 0-1); 17. Santa Cruz (0-0)**; 18. Tulane (0-0); 19. Vanderbilt (0-0); 20. Oregon State (0-0) or Oregon (0-0).

*Coach Denny Green took one look at spring roster and quit.

**What do you expect from a bunch of Banana Slugs?

OPENING ROUT (Aug. 30): Air Force (0-0) over Hawaii (0-0).

OPENING CRUMMY (Aug. 30): Western Illinois (0-0) vs. Kansas State (0-0) (sorry, no passes for this engagement).

ASK ME HOW I GAINED WEIGHT: Morehead State (Ky.) was stripped of three scholarships for the year because more than the permissible 65 players received free meals during the 1984-85 academic year.

THE PROS

The NFL leader in most penalties (119) and fewest points scored (200) last season, the brutish but bumbling Buffalo Bills (2-14 in 1985) once again seem destined to play under the gaze of the Badyear blimp this year.

Their only real contender for the Bottom Ten title appears to be Tampa Bay (2-14), even though Buccaneer quarterback Steve Young is generally rated among the top 20 USFL quarterbacks of all time. But Dallas, obviously hurt by a lack of running backs, is also a lame-horse candidate, having lost four straight exhibition games on several continents.

Another team not to watch is St. Louis (5-11), a heavy underdog in its opener against the Rams even though no one knows who will start at quarterback for Los Angeles. Rumors persist that the Rams would sign former Boston College star Doug Flutie if Flutie would undergo a voluntary height exam.

The Rankings:

Team, ’85 Record Worst ’85 Loss First Loss 1. Buffalo (2-14) 3-42, Jets N.J. Jets 2. Tampa Bay (2-14) 7-26, Minnesota San Fr’isco 3. Indianapolis (5-11) 9-21, Buffalo(!) New England 4. Houston (5-11) 0-20, Buffalo(!!) Green Bay 5. St. Louis (5-11) 0-34, Giants Rams

6. Dallas (10-6); 7. Atlanta (4-12); 8. Pittsburgh (7-9)*; 9. Minnesota (7-9); 10. USFL Lawyers ($3).

*Now known as the Xers to conform with U.S. Steel’s name change to USX.

OPENING ROUT: Tampa Bay (2-14) vs. San Francisco (10-6).

OPENING CRUMMY: Minnesota (7-9) vs. Detroit (7-9) (children accompanied by a quarterback will be admitted free).