TV REVIEWS : ‘BETTER DAYS,’ ‘AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL’

If “Better Days” is an inner city comedy, then the inner city has grounds to sue.

Premiering at 8:30 tonight on CBS (Channels 2 and 8), “Better Days” is about a Beverly Hills 17-year-old named Brian McGuire (Raphael Sbarge) who moves in with his grandfather (Dick O’Neill), who owns a deli in a tough section of Brooklyn.

A star basketball player, the white Brian is rejected by his new black teammates, Luther Cain (Chip McAllister) and Snake Johnson (Guy Killum), because: “Hey, man, you’re trying to take a spot away from one of da brothers.”

Brian’s grandfather tells him: “Life is like a wet dog. All very friendly, licks your face and then spreads splatter over your pants.” Even the laugh track can’t get excited over that.

But there’s more. When Luther is too terrified to give a speech in English, Brian cleverly tries to con substitute teacher Harriet Winners (Randee Heller) into thinking that Luther is an African who can’t speak English. Listen, why not go all the way and make him a cannibal?

Anyway, that shrewdie Ms. Winners (she knows that Luther isn’t African because she’s read the script) pulls a fast one. With a smirk that you’d love to hit with a cream pie, she insists that when Luther comes to parent-teacher night with his mother, Brian has to be his interpreter. Oh, horrors! Oh, panic! Oh. . . .

But wait a minute. This is the kind of exciting neighborhood where you have to bolt your windows at night to keep out uninvited guests. So what are the chances that Luther would be bringing his mommy to a parent-teacher night in the first place? And if Luther and Brian don’t want to have their bluff called, why show up?

Ahhh, forget it. A Magnum/Thunder Road Production in association with Lorimar-Telepictures, this is life squeezed from a tube of toothpaste, neither funny nor colorful nor enlightened. There’s smart talk from Brian, rap talk from guess who and no talk worth hearing. Sort of reminds you of a wet dog.