Knight Not Alone on Following List of Series Awards

Once again, the World Series is badly under-awarded. Ray Knight wins the MVP award, and that’s it. Aren’t there more heroes than just Ray Knight? Sure there are. Let’s bring out the trophies and present this year’s honorees:

Gold Hammer Award: To the Shea Stadium carpentry crew that constructed a temporary fence in front of some temporary seats on the field. In the second inning of Game 7, when fans leaned against the fence trying to scoop up a foul ball, the fence collapsed, sending about 20 people sprawling. Why do you think they call it the fall classic? It was a very funny scene. Fortunately there were no temporary add-ons to the Stadium’s second and third decks.

Mr. Sunshine Award: Tie, between John McNamara and Davey Johnson. Never before have two men looked so stern and solemn while making such hilarious decisions. Washington crossing the Delaware didn’t look this serious. Loosen up, guys, it’s only a game.

Mr. Sunshine Award, honorable mention: Jim Rice, Boston left fielder. Annoyed at having to wait around to be interviewed in the official press area after Game 6--one of those “Late Night with Peter Ueberroth” games--Rice snapped, “It’s late and we have families to go home to.” The way you fellows blew the Series, Jimbo, this may no longer be a problem.

Scarlet O’Hara Award: To Oil Can Boyd, the Boston pitcher. When informed he would not be starting Game 7, Oil Can broke down and sobbed. I’d hate to be the guy who has to tell Oil Can the truth about Santa Claus. There’s a good chance Boyd will be traded by next season, unless the Red Sox decide to keep him around as a steadying influence in the clubhouse.

Unsung Heroes Award: To the teachers in the Dorsey High English department, which gave us George (Sparky) Anderson, the color man on the World Series radio broadcasts. Ain’t no one no better than Sparky. He makes Dizzy Dean sound like William F. Buckley. What the heck, somehow I never expect perfect grammar from anybody named Sparky.

Death Row Award: To the Queens district attorney, for letting the world know New York is serious about its new anti-crime slogan--”Use a parachute, go to jail.”

Overreaction Award: To the Queens district attorney again. Announcing that he would persecute the Shea Stadium parachute trespasser to the full extent of the law, the DA explained that the surprise drop-in during Game 6 “could have led to panic and a stampede.” As precedent, the DA cited the tragic incident 40 years ago in downtown Manhattan when “panic and a stampede” ensued when King Kong busted out of that theater.

Big Guy Upstairs Award: To the Red Sox. Bill Bucker took a swig of Holy Water sent him by a fan, and Sox pitcher Bob Stanley received a telegram from a nun exhorting him to “Get out there and kick some (bleep). God be with you.” As Yogi Berra once said to Jim Piersall when Piersall scratched out a cross in the dirt before stepping into the batter’s box: “Why don’t you just let Him watch the game?”

Hitting Coach of the Series Award: Nancy Lopez.

Hit ‘Em Where They Ain’t Award: To Dwight Evans and Darryl Strawberry, each of whom swatted a fly ball over a fence with his fielder’s glove.

Silver Lining Award: To Boston pitcher Joe Sambito. Before the Series, Sambito said: “If we win, it’ll screw this whole town up. They’ll have to start thinking positively.” Now Bostonians won’t have to do that until next Friday, when the Celtics open their season.

Friendly Persuasion Award: To the NYPD. The Big Apple’s finest managed to keep the Mets’ frenzied fans from tearing up the field, and the cops did it without calling in the National Guard, NATO forces or nuclear air support. They did it with 700 policemen, 200 of them in riot gear and 80 on horseback. Unfortunately, the horde of cop commandoes and their horses tore the field to shreds.

Enough, Already Award: To the writers and broadcasters who greatly expanded our knowledge of and appreciation for the Green Monster, Fenway Park’s left-field wall.

Oops Award: To those same writers and broadcasters, who neglected to mention exactly how much the metal, manually placed Green Monster scoreboard numbers weigh. Runs and hits are three pounds each; errors, innings and pitchers’ numbers are two pounds each.

I Love New York Award: To Red Sox traveling secretary Jack Rogers. Walking off the Shea Stadium field long after the final game, Rogers was hit on the head by a partly filled soda can thrown from the stands and suffered a six-inch gash. I have been unable to verify the rumor that Rogers commented, “What the heck, my wife would have been disappointed if I came home without a souvenir of New York City.”