No Holds Beared in Chicago : Controversy Between McMahon and Ditka Continues to Take the City by Storm

And now this week’s newsletter from the Chicago Bears, team of big shoulders, stacker of tales, fool makers:

Where to begin, what with so much to choose from. There are team meetings, newly signed Doug Flutie, head Coach Mike Ditka. Hey, how about that crazy Jim McMahon? Some quarterback, eh? Brash, opinionated, injured again.

This time it’s his right shoulder, which has nothing to do with his right mind. How else do you explain, “The World According to McMahon,” a daily Chicago radio event that makes you wonder where the FCC is when you really need it.

This from the 5:20 afternoon show, which is the same as the 6:20 show:

Disc jockey No. 1: Jim McMahon, how you doing?

McMahon: Good. I’ve got a problem.

No. 1: What?

McMahon: What are you gonna be for Halloween?

No. 1: You know, I’m thinking about it. I’m really not sure. I’m kind of stuck over it. I was talking to my girlfriend today and I was thinking, Casper, which is a very popular item--you see, I’m trying to get back to my younger days because I’m reaching the big 3-0 soon. Casper, or something along those lines. What are you going to do?

McMahon: I’ll probably go as a healthy person.

Later in the show . . .

McMahon: What do you think about my kid going as a clown? My little girl’s gonna be a clown. And my little boy is going to be a pumpkin.

No. 3: (Giggles, incessant giggling)

No. 1: No, Jim, don’t do that. Don’t ever dress your kids like clowns. Clowns are the scariest human beings alive. They’re one notch lower than deejays. Clowns are very scary. Well, I guess your daughter, it’s OK. If you had your son dress up as a clown, he may grow up to be one.

McMahon: Yeah, but a pumpkin.

No. 1: A pumpkin’s cool. Go for the pumpkin.

McMahon: I’ll send you a picture.

And still later:

No. 1: Here’s something I just thought of. Send your son as Ditka. Get him one of those bushy mustaches. That would be funny, Jim. Is Nancy (McMahon’s wife) going to take them around?

McMahon: No, we both are.

No. 1: That would be hilarious. Put a bushy mustache on there. Get them like a $1,000 suit. Dress them as Mike.

No. 2: Pull his belt line up to about his chest.

No. 3: (Giggles.)

McMahon: And have him scratch his crotch.

No. 3: (Giggles)

No. 1: Have him ring the doorbell and say, “I want some candy,” and hold his crotch. Can you do that?

McMahon: Sure I can.

That’s entertainment?

No, but it’s the Bears--stormy, husky, brawling. Everyone, it seems, is in the act here.

McMahon has his 10 minutes of airwaves nonsense. This isn’t exactly met with good cheer by the local press, who must tune their transistors to McMahon’s show in case he says something newsworthy. McMahon, you see, isn’t much for media relations these days. A regular Larry Speakes, he isn’t.

What else? There’s Mrs. Ditka, who is kind enough to reveal her thoughts in a series of exclusive interviews with one of the city’s newspapers.

There’s Gary Fencik, who can be seen on local television, even mentioned as a future mayoral candidate.

There’s Refrigerator Perry, who can be seen from 30,000 feet. And what about that rumor that the William Morris agency is going to set up shop at the Bears’ Lake Forest practice facility? Easy access and all that.

“This last year, people just get so caught up with the Bears that I think we’re getting a little over-saturated by hearing about ourselves,” tight end Tim Wrightman said.

“We see things on TV, every commercial, every this, every that, every news thing you hear they have something on the Bears. It’s just getting to the point that as players we’d like to be in our own little capsules and not have to hear about anything.”

And that’s the rub, isn’t it? Fame without costs, notoriety without compromise. Sure, this city will bow low in thanks for last year’s Super Bowl win, but don’t cross it up with anything less than perfection this season.

Seven and one? What’s wrong with the Bears, comes the cry.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the Bears other than the fact that we need an attitude adjustment,” General Manager Jerry Vainisi said. “Whatever the distractions they’ve had--and there have been thousands of them--I think it peaked last week.”

Distraction No. 1 is the city’s love affair with the Bears.

“Take Los Angeles,” Wrightman said. “You’ve got the Rams, the Raiders, the Dodgers, the Angels, the Lakers, the Clippers, the Kings, USC, UCLA. You have the beach, you have the mountains, you have movie stars, you have TV stars.

“Here, the stars in this town are the sports celebrities and the TV news people. And the fans here are fans , from the Greek word fanatic . They’re very educated, they know what’s going on. They’re not like Los Angeles where, at the Olympics and the 100-meter dash, people were leaving at 90 meters to beat the traffic.”

For the moment, the Bears own Chicago. Already there are books from such noted authors as Ditka, McMahon, Perry and Mike Singletary, prompting speculation that the Bears soon may have their own digit in the Dewey Decimal System. And about those books: Stiletto sales were up, what with all the back-stabbing.

McMahon isn’t fond of his alma mater, Brigham Young; the media; Bear President Mike McCaskey; McCaskey’s policies, and, at times, Ditka. Just fill in the blankety-blanks for any other targets.

Post-publication McMahon events include the signing of former Heisman Trophy winner Doug Flutie; the release of one of McMahon’s best friends, receiver Ken Margerum; a not-so-subtle request for a contract renegotiation by McMahon’s agent; various injuries; the radio show, and occasional verbal exchanges with Ditka.

Ditka didn’t exactly write his book in pink ink. Former Bear defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan earned mention, as did McMahon and his methods.

Just the other day, Ditka and McMahon were at it again. It went like this:

Ditka signed Flutie.

McMahon became angry.

Ditka released Margerum.

McMahon became angrier.

And so it went until the Bears played the Detroit Lions last Sunday. Into the huddle came McMahon, nattily attired in black high-tops, the kind that Margerum wore, and a white wristband that had 82 --Margerum’s jersey number--written on it.

In a telephone conference call to Los Angeles reporters this week, Ditka had this to say about his quarterback:

“I respect him. I don’t respect some of his actions. But I’m sure he doesn’t respect some of my judgments. But I’m the head coach and he’s the player and I’ll be darned if in my career, while I’m coaching, that a player will tell me which player I keep, who to sign, who not to sign.”

The Bears, though, are used to controversy.

“I like it,” guard Tom Thayer said. “I think it’s a lot of fun. Through the course of 16 games, it can get boring. It’s really never boring here. But if we lose our concentration, we can fun ourselves out of the game. I don’t think that’s going to happen, though.”

Almost did. The Bears had just lost to the Vikings, 23-7, and there were questions about just how hurt McMahon really was, about Flutie, about that catch phrase, lack of communication.

Said safety Dave Duerson: “There were a lot of pressure-type things going on. If we wouldn’t have won a world championship, there wouldn’t have been that type of pressure. We, as players, as management and coaches, we even created more undue pressure.

“We’ve more or less created an unfair expectation in our fans, the media,” he said. “Everybody thought we were going to be the most dominant team that ever played the game. They’re expecting us to win the game by 30, 40 points. It’s just not going to happen.”

And it hasn’t. The Bear offense has struggled. Last week in their 13-7 victory over the Lions, the Bears failed to score an offensive touchdown. McMahon, still bothered by the sore shoulder, completed 17 passes for just 141 yards and had 2 interceptions. Friday, Ditka still unsure of McMahon’s playing status, named Steve Fuller as the Bear starting quarterback for Monday night’s game against the Rams.

All of this leaves the Bears amused and a bit on edge. Ditka, new personality or not, has seen to that. “There’s no way you’re going to start believing you’re good with Mike Ditka as coach,” Wrightman said. “And that’s one of the things he’s very good at.”

Said Duerson: “This past week we more or less rededicated ourselves to getting back to the basics, getting back to the type of things that got us to the NFC championship two years ago and the Super Bowl last year.”

Can the Bears triumph over this Chicago Zoo they’ve helped construct?

“Yeah, but the only reason is they have an incredible amount of talent on this team,” Margerum said. “They have an ornery personality and they don’t take (bleep) from anybody. They have a little of the Raiders’ mentality developed over the years.”

So the Bears just wanna have fun. So why then does it seem that everyone is forcing a smile?