A MODEST PROPOSAL

Preceding the movie showings in our city, we (the audience) are often subjected to those tedious advertising trailers for the Los Angeles Times. The audience moans . . . it’s a bore.

I have a solution to this problem of boredom.

I’ve noticed in the past year that your writers (particularly those for Calendar) are extremely knowledgeable regarding the art of acting. Also, their treatment of young actors has been generous and supportive.

With this in mind, it strikes me that these writers must be quite fine actors themselves. Also, in one of the rare criticisms I’ve read, the smile of actor Tom Cruise was slighted. This tells me that, comparatively, your staff must be very beautiful.

Let’s see these wonderful folks. It would be a shame not to use such a talented pool of beauties in your advertising. Simultaneously, the spots would serve as a school for all of us gold-digging young brats.

With excited anticipation,

SEAN PENN

Los Angeles

Our beauties won’t permit their mugs to be exploited until the issue of ancillary rights is settled to their agents’ complete satisfaction.