Sportsman of Year Award Looks Like It’s Going to Fans

Deep thoughts, cheap shots and bon mots . . .

This is shaping up as the year of stupid fan tricks. Some of the leading contenders for the blue ribbon (New York fans not eligible because of the no-repeat rule):

--Some Iowa State students admitted planting a bomb in the stands at a home game. The bomb was set to go off at halftime, but didn’t. Police found it later and detonated it. The students claimed it was merely a smoke bomb. Hey, it probably wouldn’t even have killed anybody.

--Philadelphia Eagle fans have become so violent and unruly that beer sales were cut off after the third quarter, then at halftime. Pretty soon there won’t be any reason at all to go to an Eagle game.

--The Seattle Seahawks’ plane, en route home last Sunday night, had to return to the Cincinnati airport after a telephoned bomb threat. The call, like the Seattle offense, proved to be a hoax.

--At Auburn, school officials ordered high-powered water hoses squirted at Georgia fans when they scampered onto the field after Georgia’s upset win. Reportedly, the fans were digging up the turf and raising hell. Later, an hour after the game, the Auburn crew hosed down more Georgia fans in the stands because they were throwing things and taunting cops.

The fire hose was extremely effective. It’s an idea certain to spread. At Iowa State, for instance, they could hose down fans coming into the game. At Stanford, the hoses could be used to clean up after the band.

Michael Jordan has inspired the sale of zillions of Air Jordan basketball shoes with his thrilling acrobatics, but I get the feeling Jordan could go for 40 every night wearing one wing-tip and one tire-tread huarache .

Football coaches are forever crying that the fans and the media concentrate too much cheering, booing and writing on quarterbacks. If that emphasis is wrong, John Robinson and Tom Flores better have some long talks with their Rams and Raiders about the way the players have been slobbering over the town’s two young quarterbacks, Jim Everett and Jim Plunkett.

What are college presidents doing these days besides making semi-fools of themselves bowling for dollars? Six of them, including UCLA’s Charles Young, submitted a resolution to the NCAA that freshmen be declared ineligible to play varsity football and basketball. A small voice of sanity in the wilderness.

Best new rule: The 19-foot 9-inch, three-point shot in college basketball. What’s wrong with rewarding outside shooting? Bob Cousy, the Celtic broadcaster and front man for the infant International Basketball Assn., has another idea--make the hoop smaller, to put more value on defense and playmaking. My vote: Nix. A smaller hoop would only put more of a premium on dunking.

The heartbreak story of the year, if you’re a Dodger fan, belongs to Mike Brito. Scouting in Mexico in 1980, Brito saw a lefty pitcher he loved. Brito wanted to sign him to a Dodger contract. The kid told Brito he would have to talk to the Ciudad Juarez Indians, who owned the kid’s contract. Brito did, but the Indians had a working agreement with Milwaukee. When the Brewers got wind of Brito being interested in the kid, they signed him quick.

Had Brito played it cool, Ted Valenzuela Higuera would be a Dodger today.

Not that the Dodgers need Higuera. They already have a left-handed, Mexican, Brito-discovered, 20-game-winning Cy Young Award runner-up.

Whatever you say about the Bruins, you have to like their openness and honesty. In recent Times stories, authored by Thomas Bonk, quarterback Matt Stevens and linebacker Ken Norton Jr. have told us what they really think. Stevens let us have a little insight, and Norton let us have a little fun. A very refreshing change from the standard, humdrum, plasticized, interview pap-rap. You don’t have to be a robot to play this game. Maybe they’re taking lessons from Walt Hazzard and Reggie Miller.

Whew! The 19 countries of the Soviet Bloc agreed to compete in the 1988 Olympics. They have promised not to boycott. Their declaration is a big step forward for the Olympics, international athletics and world peace. By the way, did anyone check to see if the Soviets had their fingers crossed?

A huge sports salary doesn’t irk me, especially if it’s my own, but I’ll never root for an athlete with a weight clause in his contract. Rod Scurry, Yankee pitcher, made $50,000 last season as a bonus for making weight regularly. That’s not a bonus, it’s a bribe.

At last, the Clippers have shaken their tendency to be inconsistent from game to game.

What’s the new term for the football move in which you stand around in the end zone, let everyone else leap for and bat at a long pass, then when it bounces away from the pack you pluck it out of the air, clutch it to your stomach and run away?

The Fryar tuck.