Beauty AND THE BATS

The Hollywood Starlets are forming an eye-opening lineup of actresses

and models for a team that will mix knockouts and strikeouts on

a tour intended to bring Hollywood to small-town America.

Something unusual was taking place at a park in Woodland Hills. Softball tryouts were literally stopping traffic on Shoup Avenue, as men who couldn’t care less about the sport were screeching into the parking lot and volunteering batting tips to nervous hopefuls. Rookies who were more concerned with broken nails than brokenbats were getting advice on eyeliner, cellulite and hair spray from veterans nobody would describe as grizzled.

And a bubbly blonde who plays a lady wrestler on TV named Tara the Southern Belle was discussing Super Bowl XXI.

“I know a New York team won it,” she said without conviction. “I think it was the Jets.”

Softball ability and an intimate knowledge of sports were not requirements for the 37 models and actresses who showed up one warm Sunday to try out for the Hollywood Starlets, a Valley-based all-woman team that will visit 16 to 20 cities during the summer months when Hollywood production takes a break.

“It’s hard to rank the importance we put on certain things, but I’d say looks, talent and softball ability in that order,” said Lori Tideman, the Starlets’ road manager who owns the team with Ben Bernard, owner of the New York Yankees’ Double-A farm team in Albany, N.Y.

Tideman, called L.T., is a 23-year-old dynamo, 1984’s Miss San Fernando Valley and former Canoga Park High twirler who manages to juggle modeling with school (she’s a senior at Cal State Northridge) and a part-time career selling Mary Kay cosmetics (she just won a burgundy Pontiac Firenza).

For the previous four summers, Tideman played and road-managed the Hollywood Cover Girls but decided to form her own team when the Cover Girls management, she said, became more interested in showing off their players’ bodies than their personalities. Every year the uniforms became smaller and tighter, which made it exceedingly difficult for opposing players to keep their eye on the ball.

“I want the Starlets to still be glamorous but have a wholesome All-America look,” she said. “I’m looking for girls who are fun and sophisticated. People in these small towns come to our games with their families to see a little bit of Hollywood, but we want to get away from T and A.”

“Yeah, riiiiight,” said a skeptical Steve Katz, who had nearly cracked up his car on Shoup Avenue when the sun glinted off a Spandex leotard. “These girls are knockouts.” Katz and a buddy, Dave Goldman, detoured from their Sunday drive and were watching the tryouts behind a chain-link fence. Not even the Dodgers affected Goldman this way. All he could say was “aaaaaay!”

Katz and Goldman were among a few dozen spectators who wandered in and out of the park during the four-hour tryout that was organized by Tideman like a well-oiled beauty pageant. First, the women were “interviewed” in front of five judges, including Hollywood producers and casting directors. Questions were along the lines of “Why do you want to play for the Starlets?” and not “Who backs up the catcher on a play at the plate?”

Sitting at a long red table festooned with balloons, the judges were looking for women with personality, energy and spontaneity who will need the ability to wing it during games. When they go out on tour, the Starlets will play local male celebrity teams prior to minor league games. Like the Harlem Globetrotters, they will entertain fans with shtick and, like the Globetrotters, they will never lose.

“There’s no sliding, diving or bunting,” Tideman said, “and I can guarantee we’ll win every game.”

On the road, the Starlets also must make appearances on local radio and television shows as well as at banquets and shopping centers. They’ve got to be troupers, which is why Tideman requires them to have professional acting or modeling experience.

“Recognize me? I did the Sine-Off commercials on TV,” said Virginia Watson, enlivening the interviews with a breathless Marilyn Monroe imitation. “I think it would be great to be a Starlet. I think they’d like me on the team. I’m a lot of fun.”

But can she hit? “I’m an athlete,” she said later, standing behind the backstop. “I have a brother who’s in the Kansas City farm system. I was a cheerleader at USC. But I’m also an actress. I can act like I can do anything. I’ll act like a hitter. I haven’t gone to the batting cages to practice, but I know I can come out here and kick ass.”

When a woman would finish the interview, she’d grab her glove (perhaps borrowed from her kid brother) and trot out to the dirt infield. Hitting grounders was L.T.’s father, Bill, called Mr. T by the girls. Tall with white hair and glasses, Tideman has been coaching his kids for years, starting with his son in T-ball. He will coach the Starlets every Sunday until they go on the road in June.

“We’ll start with the basics, like how to put a glove on,” he said, perhapsexaggerating.

Judging the girls on throwing and fielding were pro baseball players Jason Felice of Reseda High who’s in the New York Mets farm system, and Phil Lombardi, Kennedy High standout who spent last September with the Yankees. Lombardi met Tideman when he played for Albany and she took the Cover Girls there. He agreed to help with the judging because he’s, uh, community minded.

“I must have died and gone to heaven,” he said, surrounded by beautiful women. But how’s their athletic ability, Phil? “Actually, I’m kind of surprised,” he said. “Their ability is better than I thought it would be. You kind of expect that these cute girls can’t play. But a lot of them are good athletes. Obviously, they work hard to stay in shape.”

Traveling the hinterlands to places such as Lynchburg, Va., Durham, N.C., and Erie, Pa., the girls will risk pulled muscles and bad-hop bruises to earn a few hundred dollars a week. As Patricia Christie showed them during the tryouts, near-disaster can occur at any time. Christie, a stand-up comic who works L.A. comedy clubs, went out for her turn in the infield and caught the first grounder with her nose.

“It was bleeding all over,” she said. “Fortunately, the blood matches my shorts. But at least I got noticed.”

As actresses and models know, standing out at auditions is crucial to getting the job. Out of the 200 responses to her ad in Drama-Logue, Tideman selected only about 60 women for the talent competition that took place the Saturday preceding softball tryouts. Only 20 girls will make the team and, depending on their availability, half of them will be on the traveling squad. But the rejects shouldn’t take it personally.

“It’s like an acting job,” said Peaches Johnson, who was waiting her turn to bat. “If you’re not what they’re looking for, you won’t get it. You could hit 100% here and if they didn’t like you, that would be it. But if you’re in the business, you become accustomed to the rejection.”

A handful of aspiring Starlets who have played for the Cover Girls stuck together, gliding through the tryouts with the self-assurance that comes from being there before. One of the aims of the Starlets, Tideman says, is to create an opportunity for working models and actresses to find friends in the callous L.A. world of show business.

“We form a support group at auditions,” said Pat Darling, who lives in Simi Valley close to former Cover Girls Tina Martin and Sharon Hale. As the three of them talked about life on the road, potential Starlets perked up their ears and gathered around.

“When we get to a small town, the people can’t wait to see us,” Darling said. “We bring such life to them.”

“We represent Hollywood to them,” Martin pointed out, “and they think we’re such snobs until they get to meet us and can’t believe how down to earth we are.”

“They treat us like queens,” Hale said.

“We like to go dancing at night,” Darling said, “but the men are intimidated by us. Not one of them dares to ask us to dance.”

“They’re afraid of rejection,” Martin theorized.

Despite long hours, often getting up at 5 to be at a radio station by 6, being hounded by small-town paparazzi and dashing to airports and bus stations, the women enjoy the trips. “It’s not often you can work and have fun at the same time,” Martin said.

The guys they leave behind, however, do not share their enthusiasm. The husbands of Martin and Darling attended the tryouts. “For the girls, traveling has its pros, but for us it doesn’t,” said Hank Martin. “The one- or two-day trips aren’t bad, but a two-week trip is tough. You get lonely, and you have to have a lot of trust.”

“But coming home is nice,” said Steve Darling.

It will reassure the husbands to know that their wives are being chaperoned by Tideman, a no-nonsense den mother. “L.T. is very, very professional,” said Hale, a former fast-pitch softball player and the best athlete at the tryouts. “If someone doesn’t jell with the rest of us, she’s off the team. If you’re one minute late, the bus leaves without you. And if you’re a gossiper, you’re gone. There won’t be an ounce of gossip on the team.”

Tideman smiled when she heard Hale’s remarks. “Yeah,” L.T. said, “I don’t put up with anything. If you’re supposed to be down at 8, you’re down at 8. The girls know that. I expect professionalism.”

Tommy Lasorda couldn’t have said it better.