Parents Getting an Ethnic Lesson in Togetherness

The class at first sounds like the biblical tower of Babel--simultaneous translations in Vietnamese, Cambodian, Laotian and Spanish after the counselor’s explanation in English.

And parents less interested in their children’s education than those 25 clustered inside the Hamilton Elementary School cafeteria last week would probably cut the weekly parenting lesson and not tolerate the slow pace dictated by the numerous ethnic groups present and the need for translation.

But this group sits patiently during the session as Elaine Springer, speaking in English, goes over ways of dealing with children when they come home from school with an academic or disciplinary problem.

After her words are put into the various languages, the room comes alive as parents actively converse with the translators, relating Springer’s general concepts to specific situations they have with their kids.

When that happens, Springer knows that she is having the effect she wants in an experimental project she heads in San Diego’s mid-city area, where the schools are packed with a growing number of students from Indochina and Latin America, and where the parents are anxious to understand what is happening with their offspring in American schools.

“Many of the parents may not have had adequate schooling themselves, and many may not have a lot of parenting skills to cope with what our (social) behaviors are like, especially when the kids learn (what we call) American customs in school,” Springer said.

“If they see their children seeming to rebel (against traditional authority), they don’t know how to handle it. They don’t know what is going on with their kids in school.

“Yet they do realize that schooling is the key to their kids’ future. And since many are from lower socioeconomic levels, they don’t have access to such (counseling) help other than this. This is prevention in many ways to avoid problems (of drugs and misbehavior) down the line.”

To try to give the area’s parents some basic help in learning about schools and the significant role that parents can and should play, elementary school principals in the San Diego Unified School District’s mid-city region decided last year to work together on a parenting program. Pooling funds, they hired Springer, a longtime specialist in counseling from the district’s central office, to teach classes at the several schools.

The principals saw positive results from a class that Springer taught earlier at Franklin Elementary and wanted to see whether a regional approach could work as well. Springer is assisted by social-service agencies in the area, such as Alpha of San Diego, which offers some special state-funded assistance in East San Diego for Indochinese families.

“All parents, no matter how educated you are, still need to have some help in coping with the kids,” said Wilson Middle School Principal Joseph Tafoya, whose campus receives a large share of mid-city’s primary school ethnic mix: Wilson is 25% white, 25% black, 25% Hispanic and 25% Indochinese.

“In a way, we’re providing a support group to tell parents why homework, and reading, and good attendance--especially attendance--are important and to give parents realistic ideas of how to make standards stick at home.”

The plan is to reach parents at the elementary school level, where pupil attitudes can be more easily changed to instill better habits to cope with peer pressures and relationships that are part of the difficult junior high school years. If parents can be assisted to better communicate with their children at home now, the benefits will spill over into school behavior in the longer run, counselors say.

“The (Vietnamese) parents worry about whether their kids will learn or not learn,” said Charles Nguyen, a classroom instructional aide at Hamilton. “Homework is often hard for kids, but even harder for parents because they want to help the children (but the children learn English much more quickly). And the parents are not used to the American educational system. And they must learn a new way to treat children.”

Son Rouen, a parent from Cambodia, said he wants to learn about what his 9-year-old son is learning at Hamilton. Rouen attends the Hamilton sessions with his wife and a younger preschool age son.

“My son’s future is to learn the American way to live in society,” Rouen said through instructional aide Soakun Pen. “And when he has problems at school, I want him to be able to tell me what is happening. I want to know and want to be able to ask him.”

Just from sitting in the class, Rouen also comes face to face with the ethnic diversity that his son is becoming familiar with in school. “I know it takes a little while to get along (with the American mix of ethnic groups) but that is this society and the (other parents) do seem friendly,” he said.

Not all the concepts are so easily digested.

“A lot of parents are concerned about junior high and the kids falling in love, or dating, and writing (love) letters, for example, to another student,” Pen said.

Added Nguyen: “Permission to attend sex education in the health sciences classes is sometimes given very reluctantly. The parents worry about whether there is too little teaching of morality, of loyalty and filial duty, and maybe too much (teaching) in such things as science and mathematics.”

Springer encourages parents to come to regular class activities in the schools, not just the parenting sessions.

“Ideally, Americans need to learn what is going on in your culture and for you to learn in the same way,” she told the Hamilton class. “You can see just by coming here and seeing the diversity; it is valuable to come and participate in regular classes as well.

“It’s important to maintain your values but you must also learn American culture to understand what happens when your children get into a conflict so you can help.”

The Hamilton class already has paid off in benefits for Katie Smith, who teaches many of the Indochinese children in her pre-kindergarten class. Smith has gotten good turnouts from the parents for special sessions that the school has held on nutrition and on various festivals.

“We’ve been trying to make the parents more a part of our community, offer them things that they want, such as parenting,” Joanne Wall, Hamilton vice principal, said. “It was neat during Christmas when we had all ethnic groups working on a Santa story project for kids and even raised a fair amount of money for our new parent organization here at Hamilton.”

Franklin Principal Joseph Mercurio first used Springer for parenting classes two years ago because his own counselors had too little time to help parents on an individual basis.

Last week, Springer held another class for Spanish-speaking parents at Franklin, reviewing previous lessons and getting enthusiastic nods from parents after asking whether they could see improvements in their handling of school-related problems with their children.

“Your class makes me feel so much better for me and for my kids,” said Maria Madrigal in broken English, hugging Springer after the session was over.

Added instructional aide and interpreter Maria Bugaj, “It also helps the parents to know that other parents have problems as well, that they are not the only ones who want more skills.”

For the overworked Springer, the parenting classes are perhaps the most important of the many counseling tasks she handles daily, from home visits to teacher sessions.

“These classes are extremely vital,” Springer said. “People are concerned that things should go well and this is free help for positive skills that they can’t get in many places.

“They know that schools are the places to go for help.” But continued funding is always a problem, given the school district’s shortage of funds for supplementary programs. And expansion of parenting districtwide, while desirable, is only a dream at this point.

“We want to create a good atmosphere among all the ethnic groups but we are not providing sufficient resources to do this,” Springer said.