So Fernando’s a 100-Game Winner; Just How Does That Grab You, Hal?

For Fernando Valenzuela, every start is an adventure.

His first time out this season, in Houston, Fernando incurs the wrath of Astro Manager Hal Lanier. Valenzuela, keeping warm while Lanier checks out an injured Astro batter at home plate, throws a pitch under Lanier’s chin.

Thus Valenzuela becomes the first pitcher in history to brush back the opposing manager.

When Lanier expresses displeasure, Fernando grabs his protective gear in a manner that Lanier finds offensive.

It’s hard to figure Lanier’s anger. In baseball, the unwritten rule on protective-cup grabbing has always been, “It’s OK, as long as it’s your own.”

Still, innocent as that gesture was, controversy ensued. A fan named Frank phoned Bud Furillo’s L.A. radio talk show and objected to Fernando’s low five, since women and children were present.

Furillo, an unabashed Dodger rooter, sighed and prepared to defend Fernando with a lecture on the stress and pressure of big-time athletics.

“Frank,” Furillo said, wearily, “have you ever been on the field of battle?”

“I was a fighter pilot,” Frank replied.

Fernando Adventure No. 2 came Sunday afternoon when our hero, going for his 100th big league win, against the San Francisco Forkballs at Dodger Stadium, committed another inexcusable faux pas . He took himself out of the game after seven innings, clinging to a mere 7-2 lead.

Thousands of fans, fearing the worst from the Dodger bullpen, fled the ballpark in terror.

In fairness, it’s still early in the season. Maybe the Dodger bullpen will come around and achieve mediocrity. So far, though, Dodger relievers have been as effective and artistic as a group of guys going duck hunting with fly swatters.

This time, however, the bullpen hung on. Matt Young, who bounces more balls than Magic Johnson, mopping up for Ken Howell and Tom Niedenfuer, got the last five outs. The Dodgers won, 7-5, and Fernando had win No. 100.

This is a good career start. Fernando is only 26 years old. The only Dodger ever to win 100 games at a younger age was Don Drysdale, who was three months younger than Fernando is.

Of course, Drysdale had an advantage. He pitched for a Dodger team that occasionally could field the baseball. If Fernando had played with a club possessing average defensive skills, he’d be notching No. 200 by now.

But does he complain about the defense, or the bullpen? Not Fernando the Diplomat.

“I don’t think this (the bullpen) is a great problem,” he said. “They have great ability, I think this will pass.”

He did not roll his eyes when he said that.

Valenzuela said he listened to the last two innings on the clubhouse radio and was nervous only because, “San Francisco all the time plays hard with us.”

How does he feel about reaching the 100-win mark?

“OK,” Fernando said. “It’s a great one for me, to win 100 games in the big leagues, I’m very happy for that.”

More amazing than his 100 wins is his record of never missing a start in seven big league seasons, going on eight.

“I’m very lucky,” he explained, too modestly.

Maybe his arm holds up because he never breaks 90 on the speed gun. He simply dazzles and befuddles the opposition with repertoire and control. Fernando doesn’t aim for catcher Mike Scioscia’s glove, he aims for parts of Scioscia’s glove. Screwball to the thumb.

“He can do things with the baseball I’ve never seen anyone do,” Scioscia said Sunday. “This is a guy who can throw a 2-0 screwball, low and away on the black. He has a nasty curveball, two screwballs, he throws anything in any situation, not only for strikes, but in the exact location you call for.”

It helps that Fernando is psychic. Mike Brito, who discovered Fernando in a Class-Z league in Mexico and now speed-guns every Valenzuela pitch from behind home plate, says, “It seems like he reads the mind of the hitters.”

The important thing is that Valenzuela does all that stuff effortlessly. People put more strain on their arms flipping pancakes than Fernando does throwing baseballs. In a profession where elbows and shoulders wear out like bars of soap, Fernando has the arm of a 10-year-old. Cy Young’s record (511 wins) is no longer safe.

“I feel like my first year,” Fernando said. “Same thing. I enjoy pitching this game.”

Of course if he continues to play chin music for Hal Lanier, or to trust the Dodger bullpen, Fernando will be lucky to ever see win No. 101.

But he’s a smart cookie. Watch him next time out. Fernando will go the distance, and adjust nothing below the bill of his cap.