It’s Not How Many, but How You Play Game

Bob Hope, in his book “Confessions of a Hooker,” tells about playing a course in Alaska where an old man volunteered to caddy for him.

Wrote Hope: “I asked him how old he was, and he said 94. I said that was amazing.

“He said, ‘Oh, that’s nothing. I’m getting married tomorrow.’

“I said, ‘Why would you want to get married at 94?’

“He said, ‘Who wants to?’ ”

A San Jose sportswriter has nicknamed Oakland slugger Mark McGwire, Marco Solo.

Reason? McGwire has hit 16 of his 22 home runs with the bases empty.

From a Chicago Tribune review of Thomas (Hollywood) Henderson’s forthcoming book, “Out of Control: Confessions of an NFL Casualty”:

--Before a 1975 game against the Rams, Henderson said Dallas Cowboy assistant coach Mike Ditka told him to go after Ram kicker Tom Dempsey, who had a deformed foot and only one hand. He did, leveling Dempsey with a vicious hit on the opening kickoff.

--Henderson said, “Earl Campbell, I found out, was the laziest football player I’d seen in my entire life. He was Mr. Houston, but he was the first guy I ever saw spend time at practice stretched out horizontal in full gear with his head propped against his palm.”

--Henderson said he once made a pass at Martina Navratilova, only to be rebuffed.

Add Ditka: Speaking at a Chicago banquet, he said of George Allen: “No one worked harder than George Allen’s staff. I didn’t say George Allen. I said his staff.”

Trivia Time: In his career, he got only one hit as a Dodger but it was a home run and it helped win a big game at St. Louis in the pennant-winning drive of 1963. Who was it? (Answer in column two.)

John McEnroe, in Esquire, said of wife Tatum O’Neal: “Tatum took me to a whole new plane. Until I met her, I’d never been in the National Enquirer.”

As of last weekend, the Seattle Mariners were 17-11 on the road but only 18-22 at the Kingdome.

Said Manager Dick Williams: “I don’t know why we’re having trouble at home. It can’t be the fans, because we don’t have many.”

Add Williams: Of No. 1 draft pick Ken Griffey Jr., he said: “I expect him to be here in three or four years. I just hope I’m here to greet him.”

Williams is in his second season with the Mariners. In previous terms with Oakland, Boston, California, Montreal and San Diego, his average stay was 3 1/2 years.

From Marty Noble of Newsday: “San Diego Padre catcher Bruce Bochy was caught stealing Sunday for the first time since 1984. Of course, he had run only once in the interim. Apparently, Bochy was distracted during his latest attempt. ‘As I was running down to second,’ he said, ‘a lot of things were going through my mind.’ ”

Trivia Answer: Dick Nen. Called up from Spokane, he made his first appearance Sept. 18 as a pinch-hitter against the Cardinals, who were making a run at the Dodgers in the National League race. He hit a ninth-inning home run to tie the score, 5-5. The Dodgers went on to win, 6-5, in 13 innings, giving them a four-game lead over the Cardinals.

Quotebook

Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post, on the Arena Football League: “Since the field is only 50 yards long, what’s the key statistic, your time in the 20?”