The Game Won’t Start Until the Guard Sings

Houston Oilers Coach Jerry Glanville, asked by the Denver Post what kind of players he will field Sunday, said he has a guard named Doug Kellermey who owns an automotive company in Phoenix.

“He’s also an amateur opera singer,” Glanville said. “We’re going to have him sing the national anthem. I guess he’s pretty good, but he sings in Italian, so nobody can tell if he sings a wrong word.

“I think everyone will show up to see if the opera singer will hit anyone, his voice is so high. I think a lot of people will be watching these games. Unfortunately, I’ll be one of them.”

Add Glanville: When he finished, somebody suggested he should call David Letterman.

Said Glanville: “Can he play?”

John Crumpacker of the San Francisco Examiner has compiled his annual all-name college football team. Here’s the offense:

Wide receivers--Sandy Sledge, Northern Arizona, and Sanjay Beach, Colorado State; tight end--Bill Klump, San Jose State; offensive linemen--Zefross Moss, Alabama State; Creighton Incorminius, North Carolina; Nacho Albergamo, LSU; Randy Twit, Iowa State, and Bobbington Brandt, Cal State Long Beach; quarterback--Luke Lucky, Sul Ross; running backs--Pedro Bacon, Western Kentucky, and Calvin Handsome, Winston-Salem.

The defense includes defensive backs Tork Hook, Iowa; Mace Meeks, Rice, and Thane Gash, Eastern Kentucky, and the coaches include Bob Spoo, Eastern Illinois; Theophilus Danzy, Alcorn State, and Woody Fish, Gardner-Webb.

Trivia Time: In 1960, what major league managers were traded for one another? (Answer below.)

Bulletin: It was announced in London that 83-year-old Bill Baker, Britain’s oldest competitive runner, has retired from the 100-meter dash. Reason: He no longer can hear the starting gun. Said Baker: “I’m going to concentrate on the longer races. Then I have a chance to watch the others start and still catch up.”

When Randy White of the Dallas Cowboys crossed the picket line, Too Tall Jones couldn’t understand it.

Recalling the strike of 1974, when he was a rookie, Jones told Frank Luksa of the Dallas Times Herald: “Guys couldn’t afford to sit out then but they did. Guys who barely made enough to take anything with them made it better for me so that I’d go out of the game with something.”

Tony Dorsett referred to White as Captain Scab. “I hope he’s a better captain of the scab team than he was of the Cowboys,” he said.

A week later, Dorsett crossed the line and Jones was reported on the verge of doing so.

From George Shirk of the San Jose Mercury News: “Rumors persist that the New York Yankees have offered outfielder Rickey Henderson to the Dodgers for pitcher Bob Welch and outfielder Mike Devereaux.”

Trivia Answer: Jimmy Dykes of the sixth-place Detroit Tigers was traded for Joe Gordon of the fourth-place Cleveland Indians on Aug. 3. The teams finished the season in the same spots.

Quotebook

Former New York Jets defensive tackle Derland Moore, 35, asked when he showed up at training headquarters if he intended to play: “I’m ready. I have a pulse.”