Take Me In to the Ballgame . . .

With the World Series returning to the Metrodome in Minneapolis today, there no doubt will be more abuse heaped upon the place.

Just so the roof doesn’t collapse again.

Here’s what Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post had to say about it:

“You’ll notice none of the seats face home plate. That’s because the ‘Hump-Dome,’ as it’s sometimes called, was built primarily as a football stadium, and the seats were designed to face the rectangular football field. To get a true angle on baseball here, you have to be somewhat tilted, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame or Pat Buchanan.

“You’ll notice the billowy roof is canvas-colored, an off-white, ‘the same color as the ball,’ Twin third baseman Gary Gaetti points out. This can be big trouble on fly balls. ‘Take your eye off the ball for a second, and you’ll lose it,’ Gaetti warns.

“After dropping a game to the Twins in which four runs were attributed to misjudged fly balls, the serene, contemplative Billy Martin called the Metrodome ‘Little League’ and demanded it be ‘barred from baseball.’

“The plight brings to mind Charles O. Finley. Finley was first with colorful uniforms and night baseball in the World Series. Laugh if you will, but one of his other goofy brainstorms--orange baseballs--might be appropriate here.”

Another problem with the Metrodome roof? Holes in it, which have been said to look like craters on the moon. They also can swallow up the ball.

On May 4, 1984, Dave Kingman of the Oakland A’s hit a towering pop-up, and the baseball went through a hole in the roof and disappeared for a roof-rule double. Tim Teufel, the Twin second baseman at the time, said, “We were all standing around like it was ‘Candid Camera.’ ”

A few days later, workmen went up to retrieve the ball. Mickey Hatcher, now with the Dodgers but then with the Twins, figured he could appeal Kingman’s double if he caught the ball before it hit the turf and positioned himself under the black hole. A worker dropped the ball, which came down like a knuckleball and hit Hatcher in the leg.

Then there was the night the roof caved in.

Actually, the roof has collapsed three times, according to Jay Weiner of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, the most terrifying occurrence coming on April 26, 1986. In the bottom of the eighth of a Twin-Angel game, outside winds suddenly increased from 10 to almost 80 m.p.h. Light standards rocked. A portion of the roof in right-center tore, and the roof sagged. Water poured onto the field. The Angels ran for the dugout.

Ray Miller, then managing the Twins, looked at his troops and said: “It’s every man for himself.”

Pitcher Frank Pastore, soon to be signed by the Twins, watched from the press box and asked: “Does this happen often?”

Three times too often.

They have a new carpet of artificial turf in the Metrodome. It’s not nearly as lively as the old one. The bounces off that one were so high, the game was a bit like jai alai or handball.

After a game on the original carpet, New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said: “If I wanted my players to learn Ping-Pong, I’d send them to China.”

Quotebook

Twin third baseman Gary Gaetti, on the noise 55,000 make in the Metrodome: “You can feel it all over your body. The noise bounces off you, player to player. Your ears are ringing. It’s a pretty good feeling physically.”