Alan Thicke Goes to the Dog Wash

There’s actually a science to the supposedly unskilled labor of separating your dog from several kilos of rug fluff, loose hair, retired bugs, Kibble crumbs and back-yard dirt.

“You don’t nozzle dogs,” actor Alan Thicke explained. “I pail ‘em. It’s also nice to warm the water first. . . . I think it is more comfortable for the dog to be at room temperature.

“Besides, you never know what’s coming out of hoses in the Valley.”

And there is more, much more, as Thicke and a company of personalities large (Dennis Franz of “Beverly Hills Buntz” TV series) and small (Brian Bonsall, 6, who plays Andy Keaton on “Family Ties”) start brushing up on techniques for next Saturday’s Celebrity Dog Wash on the back lot at Universal Studios.

There is, Thicke continued, the preparation: “I think the washer is as important as the washee here, and the important rule of dog washing is . . . sensible clothes.”

Comes the mind-set: “You can’t go into it tentatively. You have to climb into the trenches and get down-and-dirty when you wash a dog. It is one of those things in life that requires your full concentration.”

The execution: “Both hands, both arms, because you just can’t do a three-fingered dog wash. If you get a decent-size dog it’s going to be the best of three falls.”

The end result: “Mutt wrestling.”

As star of the successful family sitcom “Growing Pains,” Thicke has become something of a national father figure, an Ozzie Nelson of the ‘80s. So he has been named parent and/or father of the year by at least three major organizations.

As host of “Animal Crack-Ups,” a children’s series, Thicke also is ascending to the crown of Dr. Dolittle. Hence his appointment as celebrity chairperson of the Purina Pet Parent Program.

The overall campaign aims at finding homes for more than 300,000 shelter animals this year. Purina will approach all sides of the national problem by educating youngsters in pet care, by donating $500,000 to selected animal shelters, which will supply the children and by publicizing the continuing need of stray and dumped pets through . . . well, a Celebrity Dog Wash.

The sudsing is free, is open to any pet whose owner cares to call for a reservation. Some squeaky-clean dogs will be available for adoption, and the two-hour event will be staffed by experienced dog handlers in addition to celebrity docents.

Thicke is stiff with credentials for his unpaid position. He grew up with a dachshund called Heidi and a French poodle called Pierre in a Canadian family that “wasn’t too original with names.” In Los Angeles in 1970, there was Beliveau, a stray cat named after Big Jean the hockey player.

Then came marriage and Sable, a Pomeranian. She went with the 1984 divorce. Thicke and Gloria Loring have joint custody of their two sons. Permanent custody of Sable went to Thicke’s brother, writer Todd.

Now, and since Christmas, the most energetic resident of Thicke’s new Toluca Lake home is Christopher, a shepherd-and-collie mutt.

He was adopted for the best and most serious of reasons--as a buddy for Thicke’s sons, Brennan, 12, and Robin, 10.

“A puppy gives them a sense of purpose and suddenly they are responsible for something other than themselves,” Thicke said. “Brennan gets a real sense of humanity from the dog, literally a sense of parenting. With everybody else, boys will be boys. But with pets, boys will be mothers.”

A dog was also a deliberate accessory of Thicke’s new life.

“I got divorced and (his talk show) canceled in the same year and my life had got out of control,” he remembered. “When all that happens, you start to restructure. That included priority (A) get the children accustomed to the transition, (B) get your career on track, (C) find suitable lodgings . . . and then get a dog.”

With all those elements in place, he said, there may now be room for the final structure: A relationship.

“I only got a dining room table two weeks ago,” he said. “So now we’re ready to sit somebody down.”

Celebrity Dog Wash, Universal Studios, next Saturday, noon to 2 p.m. Free admission. Call Pet Parent Hotline, (213) 629-4974.