Ready or Not, It’s Time We Got Started

You think Pete Rose got a National League umpire angry? You should have seen Larry Bowa and Jim Leyland.

The San Diego Padres came to bat against the Pittsburgh Pirates the other day, with no leadoff man.

The plate umpire went up to Bowa, the Padre manager, and said: “Need a batter here.”

Bowa said: “He’s still in the clubhouse. Be out in a minute.”

The umpire waited a few minutes, then asked impatiently: “Well, where is he?”

Bowa said: “Hold on. He’s almost here.”

The umpire: C’mon, we ain’t got all day. Get whoever it is out here.

Bowa: My first batter’s Ready.

The ump: Good.

Bowa: He’ll be out in a minute.

The ump: I thought you said he was ready.

Bowa: I did.

The ump: Then let’s get started.

Bowa: We can’t until my batter gets here.

The ump: You said he was here.

Bowa: Who?

The ump: Your batter.

Bowa: He’s still in the clubhouse.

The ump: I don’t understand. Is your batter ready or isn’t he?

Bowa: Yes.

The ump: Yes, what?

Bowa: He’s Ready.

The ump: Then let’s play ball.

Bowa: But he’s still in the clubhouse.

The ump: Who’s still in the clubhouse?

Bowa: My batter.

The ump: I don’t understand this at all.

Bowa: Wait. I’ll be right back.

The ump: Where do you think you’re going?

Bowa: To the clubhouse to get Ready.

The ump: For what?

Bowa: For the game.

The ump: You’re going to get ready?

Bowa: Yes.

The ump: In the clubhouse?

Bowa: That’s right.

The ump: And what about your batter?

Bowa: That’s why I’m going.

The ump: Why?

Bowa: To get my batter.

The ump: Where?

Bowa: In the clubhouse.

The ump: What’s in the clubhouse?

Bowa: My batter.

The ump: And so the reason you’re going to the clubhouse is . . . ?

Bowa: To get Ready.

The Padre manager disappeared into the tunnel.

The Pirate pitcher, meanwhile, stiffened up while waiting for the first batter, so Jim Leyland went to the mound. The manager talked to his pitcher for a very long time, until the umpire finally had to intervene.

The ump: So, what’s going on?

Leyland: What do you mean?

The ump: Your pitcher’s done?

Leyland: Yes.

The ump: OK. Who are you bringing in?

Leyland: To do what?

The ump: To pitch.

Leyland: Maybe nobody.

The ump: I thought you said your pitcher’s done.

Leyland: I did.

The ump: Well, is he or isn’t he?

Leyland: Yes.

The ump: He is what?

Leyland: He’s Dunne.

The ump: Then you’re bringing in a relief pitcher?

Leyland: I don’t know yet.

The ump: Look, this guy here is done, right?

Leyland: Right.

The ump: So, you’ve got to bring in a relief pitcher.

Leyland: Not necessarily.

The ump: Sure you do.

Leyland: I’m still thinking about it.

The ump: Look, your starting pitcher is done, right?

Leyland: Right.

The ump: He’s out of the game?

Leyland: No, he’s standing right here.

The ump: Who’s standing right here?

Leyland: My starting pitcher. He’s Dunne.

The ump: Then take him out.

Leyland: But I might leave him in.

The ump: Make up your mind!

Leyland: Actually, I was just stalling until I got one of my relief pitchers up.

The ump: You were?

Leyland: Yeah.

The ump: Got one?

Leyland: What?

The ump: Got a relief pitcher?

Leyland: Yes, he is.

The ump: Who is?

Leyland: Gott.

The ump: Got what?

Leyland: He’s one of my relief pitchers.

The ump: Let me get this straight. Your starting pitcher’s done?

Leyland: Yes.

The ump: And your relief pitcher?

Leyland: Just got up in the bullpen.

The ump: And the one you want?

Leyland: Gott.

The ump: Got the one you want?

Leyland: Yes.

The ump: You want this one here?

Leyland: Who?

The ump: The one standing next to you?

Leyland: No, he’s done.

The ump: Who is?

Leyland: This one here.

The ump: Let me try this one more time. You’re bringing in a new pitcher?

Leyland: Yes.

The ump: The one you’ve got up in the bullpen.

Leyland: Yes. I think he’s ready.

The ump: I thought he was the batter!

Bowa and Leyland each were suspended for 30 days.