Elvis Burgers

Maybe the King will never die. KABC-TV Channel 7’s Eyewitness News certainly prolonged the agony recently by touting reports of “incredible evidence” that Elvis is still alive. This investigative frenzy culminated with an exclusive interview with a Michigan woman who claimed to have seen Elvis at a Burger King in Kalamazoo (no doubt stocking up on Whoppers). KABC rival KNBC-TV Channel 4 couldn’t resist taking a few pokes at this tawdry, sweeps-incited Elvismania--as did KMPC-FM morning deejay Guy Thomas. He cajoled an Elvis impressionist (who works as a steward for Alaska Airlines) to phone the woman in Michigan the other morning, posing as Elvis. When she answered the phone, he purred in a Tupelo-honey Southern accent: “This is the King, baby!” He went on to complain that since the woman had revealed where he lives, “I’ve got to sell my mobile home and move on.” Unconvinced, the woman asked Elvis to reveal his favorite food. “Come on, honey,” he said. “You know all foods are my favorites, but doughnuts especially!” Finally, the fake-Elvis and Thomas broke out laughing, prompting the woman to complain: “You’re not Elvis--this is a sick joke!” Yes, maam--but at least this town’s goofy morning jocks don’t pretend to be serious newsmen.