THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES : LOS ANGELES LAKERS vs. DETROIT PISTONS : These Pistons Are Ready for Showtime

Vinnie Johnson and James Edwards were sitting on the Detroit Pistons’ bench early in Tuesday night’s game, ticking like time bombs.

The Pistons, the latest in a long line of wannabees from the hinterlands, come to challenge the Lakers, had a three-point lead at the time, 20-17.

Edwards leaned over to Johnson and said, “It’s time for us to go, Vinnie.”

Several thousand Forum fans overheard Edwards, misunderstood, and headed for the exits. Laker fans have too much pride to let out-of-towners beat them to the parking lot.

Those who left early missed a great show by the Pistons, who differ from the other recent invaders in at least one important aspect--they have a bench.

Vinnie Johnson, for instance. People around the league call him Microwave, because he heats up so fast. That name might be all right for Detroit, but this is Hollywood, baby.

What heats up faster than a Microwave? How about The Electric Chair?

Vinnie hit 7 or 11 shots, the Piston bench outscored the Laker bench, 32-4, and the Pistons won the NBA championship series opener, 105-93.

“We’re a lot hungrier than they are,” Electric Chair said, “and maybe a little fresher.”

Maybe even looser. Showing no respect, fear, awe or inhibition, the Pistons pulled a stunning upset. So much for stage fright.

They outscored the Lakers, 11-2, just before the half to take a 17-point lead. “That was a little bit of a crusher,” Laker Coach Pat Riley conceded in a halftime TV interview.

The last crusher this big was when someone told the Lakers the truth about Santa Claus. This was the worst finishing kick since Mary Decker Slaney in the ’84 Olympics. To see a more tragic finish on anything, Riley would have to drive his new Chrysler through a sandstorm.

Hey, the Pistons were loose. Monday night, John Salley, another Piston super-sub, cruised the town’s comedy clubs, meeting L.A.’s funniest.

“I met Sam Kinison, Billy Crystal, Arnsenio Hall, went to a couple clubs,” Salley said. “We’ve got one club in Detroit. Who the (heck) wants to come to Michigan to make people laugh? You can’t make car people laugh. I love this town.

“Billy Crystal was sitting two seats from our bench tonight, with Gary Shandling. I said, ‘Hey, what’s up, Gary Shandling? A white guy with big lips!’ ”

Obviously this is a team crumbling under the pressure of meeting the mighty Lakers in the Forum in the Big One.

“You’re definitely on stage here,” Salley said. “Isiah (Thomas) told us before the game, ‘Dallas (Mavericks) got caught up in all the stars.’ All the stars came to watch us , they paid big money to watch us , why (would) we want to watch them ? Tonight we’re the stars.”

A cast of thousands, it must have seemed to the Lakers. The Pistons, to steal a Yogi Berra line, have deep depth.

You bring Vinnie Johnson off the bench and it’s Who Time. Perhaps I should explain.

When Vinnie played for the Seattle SuperSonics, guard Gus Williams would yell “Eeee-who!” when his jumper was falling.

Vinnie brought the quaint little expression to Detroit.

“We call him The Who,” explained Salley. “When he’s hitting, we yell, ‘It’s Who Time,’ and we all just move out of the way, let him do his spins and things. We just take a deep breath.

“He’ll do it in practice, we’ll be running plays and he’ll say, ‘A.D. (Adrian Dantley), get the (heck) out of the way. Isiah, get the (heck) out of the way. Bill (Laimbeer), get the (heck) out of the way. It’s Who time.’ ”

I guess the odds-makers didn’t know how loose these guys were going to be. I guess they didn’t know about Microwave Electric Chair Eeee-Who VJ. Did anyone?

Not according to the Pistons, who, to a man, say they were inspired by the trashing they were given in the media going into the series.

Several of them watched Channel 9’s sportscast Monday night, and the guy on camera talked the Pistons way down. It made a real impact.

“Is the guy from Channel 9 in here?” Laimbeer shouted across the Pistons’ locker room after the game. “He said we had no business in this series. We were walking around (before the game), shaking our heads. We got a lot of pride.”

Salley says Laimbeer is the only Piston who reads the papers, and Bill gives the other players a daily news synopsis. Laimbeer told them Tuesday that the media was taking the Pistons lightly.

“It’s a million to one against us,” said Dennis Rodman, who may have exaggerated the Las Vegas odds. “We read the papers, look at the news, nobody’s giving us any credit.”

For cripes sake, will somebody give these guys credit? Acme Finance, or Dr. Beauchamp? So we can get on with this series?

And will somebody please tell Dantley this is not a layup drill, but an actual game? And will someone tell the Lakers it’s OK to challenge a Piston driving to the hoop, even if it’s only to ask for his driver’s license?

Key statistics: The Pistons blocked six shots Tuesday night. The only Laker block was a mental one.

And will someone tell the Lakers it is a mortal sin to let pint-sized Isiah Thomas grab a rebound off a missed Piston free throw, as he did in the fourth quarter, putting it back in for a 13-point lead that killed the Lakers?

At least none was hurt. For a supposed war, this was a remarkably polite game on both sides. “They (the Lakers) didn’t have (Celtic Kevin) McHale inside making us highly upset,” Salley mentioned.

Were the Lakers less physical than the Celtics?

“I’m not saying anything,” Salley said, saying plenty.

Not that anybody is conceding this series yet. The Pistons, while confident, almost cocky, are cockily respectful of the Lakers. There were no predictions of a sweep in the Piston locker room, no real crowing and boasting.

This was one win and they were clearly enjoying the hell out of it, and attaching no particular significance to it.

They really would like to meet that Channel 9 guy though, but I’m not sure if they want to strangle him or vote him a playoff share.

Predictions for Game 2 Thursday night, John Salley?

“Same people,” Salley said. “Same Bat time, same Bat channel.”

But the new kids in town have already written a new Bat script.