Covering the Bases, From the Black Sox to the Babe to Boz

Monday Mudslinging...

Movie tip: I hear “Eight Men Out,” the story of the 1919 Black Sox scandal, is a great movie. But I’m saving my money for the sequel, “Twenty-Seven Men Out.”

It’s the gripping story of 26 big-league team owners and one commissioner colluding to control the 1987 free-agent bidding by not bidding. The movie will be short on action, because it’s the story of 27 men doing nothing for several months, but it will feature some sensational acting, as everyone denies collusion.

Unforgettable staring role: Dodger owner Peter O’Malley, explaining that the Dodgers don’t need Tim Raines because they already have a center fielder--Ken Landreaux.

Pencil pushing: Overblown stat chase of the year is Jose Canseco’s bid to become the first big leaguer to hit 100 homers in his first three big league seasons. Jose had 98 going into Sunday. Admirable, but. . . .

Babe Ruth hit 142 homers the first 3 seasons (1919-20-21) he was an outfielder rather than a pitcher. And that’s giving Jose the benefit, because in 1919 Babe also pitched 133 innings for Boston.

Granted, Ruth had an age edge. He was 26 in 1921, whereas Canseco is 24 now. But going into Sunday, Canseco had 1,751 at-bats. Babe hit his 142 homers in 1,430 at-bats. If Canseco hit homers at that rate, he’d have 175 by now.

Sorry we bothered you, Babe. RIP.

Thanks, Raiders: For supplying the answer to today’s trivia question:

What National Football League quarterback was undefeated as a college starter, yet never started a game in the Western Hemisphere?

Jay Schroeder’s lone start as UCLA quarterback was in the last game of the 1980 season, against Oregon, in Japan.

Go figure: We can put a man on the moon but we can’t put Fred Lynn in Detroit by midnight.

Lynn’s delay, caused by his trying to wring another $100,000 out of the Tigers, made him ineligible for the playoffs. On the plus side, it saved Lynn the trouble of having to sit out the playoffs with some injury.

Baseball is big business, so I won’t hold the snafu against Lynn, unless he complains about not being voted a share of the Tigers’ playoff money.

Scary Terry: One of these decades, UCLA is going to lose a football game to the feared Cal State Long Beach or San Diego State ballclubs, and Terry Donahue will be able to say “I told you so.”

Taking nothing for granted is Donahue’s style, and it seems to work. But it’s a wonder Terry’s hair isn’t whiter than that of his even-more-intense twin, Phil.

El Swapo: In basketball’s first international trade, the Utah Jazz sent Dinner-Bell Mel Turpin to Spain for ex-Pac-10 star Jose Ortiz. The Jazz will miss Mel, the Round Mound of Sitaround. With Turpin on the team, the Jazz knew it had a strong bench. It had to be strong to support Mel.

Sour Lou: Besieged Yankee Manager Lou Piniella pleads: “Give me some players, not moaners and whiners.”

Say, didn’t Lou steal that line from the Statue of Liberty?

What does Piniella expect, when the Yankee players have George Steinbrenner as a role model?

The Yankees’ problem is not that the club is loaded with moaners and whiners, but that the two factions don’t get along.

Bush blunder: How did George Bush overlook the most obvious choice as a Presidential running mate--Steve Garvey?

The Garv would have swung the baseball fan vote, and he is almost controversy-free. Remember how Don Rickles revealed that Garvey as a kid sneaked out behind the barn to chew gum? The only job Steve’s dad ever helped him get was spring training batboy for the Dodgers.

Rumor is that the Garv was bypassed for veep because he is overqualified for the job, having dabbled in politics.

Mum’s the word: Baseball’s newest non-talkers are Yankees John Candelaria and Rickey Henderson, the latter saying he won’t speak to the media until the team is in first place.

Teams should be required to list each player’s speaking restrictions in the media guide. Such as:

Ed (Boomer) Beemish . . . Media access: Won’t talk between pregame snack and batting practice, during postgame rubdown, or on legal holidays or his birthday . . . No talk after games where opposing pitcher-of-decision had an even uniform number . . . Off-limits topics: Baseball matters, personal matters, personal baseball matters . . .

Boz Watch: Next to his awesome publicity machine, Brian Bosworth’s most impressive machine is his white Corvette, which features a $7,000 stereo unit with nine speakers. All woofers, no doubt.

Gee, seven big ones for a car stereo. It probably would have been cheaper for Boz to hire his favorite recording artists to ride along in the car and perform live.

Which brings us to this morning’s final trivia question: What does Boz’s Corvette have that the Yankee starting lineup doesn’t have?

Answer: Nine speakers.