Let’s Play With Ken, Barbie’s Stepford Boyfriend
In his 29 years of existence no one has ever devoted an entire story to the life of Ken. We aim to put an end to that. We hope to teach you things about Ken that will make you gasp and shout, “No! Not Ken.” We hope to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Ken represents the American male’s worst nightmare--a guy who is little more than an accessory to some doll.
After an extensive investigation into Ken’s background and a detailed interview with Ken spokeswoman Candace Irving of Mattel Inc., we think we know what lurks beneath that hard plastic hollow torso marked: Ken/1960.
Ken exists for no other reason than to serve Barbie. When asked how she imagines Ken spending his day, Irving said, “Oh, I think he is mowing Barbie’s yard or checking on Barbie’s pool or working as Barbie’s handyman.” She’s a benevolent dictator, that Barbie.
“Doesn’t this get a bit oppressive?” I asked, trying--as we investigative reporters try--to put words in someone’s mouth. I was hoping to get her to admit that Ken’s life is hell, but Irving is a PR pro. “Well,” she said, “he is going out with the world’s most famous woman.”
On the surface, it may appear that Ken has it made in the toy shade. Most little girls have several Barbies in the harem for Ken. In fact, sales are two Barbies to every Ken. But not every theme Barbie comes with a theme Ken. For example, when Magic Moves Barbie ran her fingers through her luxurious long blonde hair, there was no Magic Moves Ken beside her. That’s because Ken had a molded head.
When Dreamtime Barbie appeared in her nightie, there was no Dreamtime Ken. “We wouldn’t get that close to having them in night clothes at the same time,” Candace Irving explains.
More than any other doll in the Barbie matriarchy, Ken has barely evolved from his original introduction as Barbie’s boyfriend Ken. Even Allen, who disappeared in the late ‘60s, and Curtis, the black doll, had unique identities.
Ken fashions have occasionally hinted at an independent existence for the 11 3/4-inch hunk. Over the years, we have seen outfits for Dr. Ken, American Airlines Capt. Ken, Fountain Boy Ken, Mr. Astronaut Ken, Rovin’ Reporter Ken, Business Appointment Ken--and even a turned-on, tuned-in Guruvy Ken in 1969.
That was also the fateful year a Talking Ken made his appearance (a Spanish Talking Ken following pronto). It was Talking Ken himself who undercut any suggestion that Ken actually worked for a living.
What did Ken say that year he broke silence? Because the rare interview is of such historic significance, I print the entire text here:
Alice Kahn: Why do you let Barbie dominate you?
Talking Ken: Barbie’s a great dancer.
Kahn: What do you actually do?
Ken: I’ll get the food for the party.
Kahn: Are you avoiding my questions?
Ken: Have you met Barbie’s new friend?
Kahn: Come on, Ken, are you a man or a mouse?
Ken: I’m taking the girls shopping . . . wanna go?
Kahn: Ken, isn’t your posture as a party animal just a cover for alienation and ennui?
Ken: PJ’s having a party, let’s go.
It was hopeless. The more you pulled his string, the more you kept getting the same nonsense as if he were some defeated prisoner of war, some Stepford husband. It was, alas, the only time he ever spoke.
Sadly for Ken, his market position necessitates his eternal wimpiness. “GI Joe is a boy’s toy,” Irving explains. “But boys view Ken as being a girl’s toy exclusively. Although they may play with him at a girl’s house, they wouldn’t want the stigma of having their friends know.”
So as feminists snicker and empowered men beat the drum for his maleness, Ken stares blankly into toy purgatory. And, you know, the guy’s only doing it for some doll.
