Flames Make for Hot Time at the Forum

Here they come, the Calgary Flames, now appearing at a hockey rink near you. Fasten your safety belts, it’s going to be a bumpy couple of nights.

From Canada they have flown, to continue their revolution against the Kings. The Flames want this Stanley Cup badly. The last time anybody in Calgary won anything, it had something to do with tying a rope around three legs of a calf.

The Kings must now win four of the next five, starting tonight, to overtake the Flames in these playoffs. Obviously they can do it, so long as they still have Wayne Gretzky. Where there’s Wayne, there’s a way.

They also still have goalie Kelly Hrudey, who has never been bested at home as a King. And they still have Bernie Nicholls, which is remarkable in itself. The way he assaulted Calgary goalie Mike Vernon in Game 2, Nicholls is lucky he wasn’t suspended by the league, or arrested by a Mountie.

As for the Flames, since they had the best record in the National Hockey League this season, they need no introduction.

Like hell they don’t.

There’s Lanny McDonald, who had to buy two airplane tickets--one for himself, and one for his mustache. Lanny shouldn’t trim that hedge, he should water it. Any more hair on this person’s face and he is going to resemble the Addams Family’s Cousin It.

There’s also Theoren Fleury, the Spud Webb of hockey, who saved the club a considerable amount of money by giving his seat to McDonald’s mustache and sleeping in the overhead luggage compartment.

And then there’s Joey Mullen, the highest-scoring American-born player in NHL history, who was reared in New York City’s Hell’s Kitchen and is accustomed to witnessing behavior such as Bernie Nicholls’.

And we mustn’t forget Mike Vernon, who was minding his own business on the flight to Los Angeles, having a drink, when suddenly Robbie Ftorek summoned a stewardess and forced her to measure Vernon’s swizzle stick.

The Flames have the Kings pretty rattled for the time being, having whipped them nine straight times on their home ice. They have only lost five games at the Saddledome all season. No wonder Ftorek demanded that Vernon’s stick be measured Thursday night; we’re surprised the King coach didn’t ask an electrician to make sure the red light behind Vernon hadn’t blown a fuse.

Home-ice advantage is a reality at Calgary, where even the trainer is permitted to skate onto the ice anytime he feels like it. While tending to the fallen Vernon, this Jim (Bearcat) Murray person probably could have stopped a couple of shots with his first-aid kit and gotten away with it, the way things work at Calgary.

The Flames have a real surprise in store for them tonight when, just at a key moment, sports columnist Jim (Bare Facts) Murray of The Times rushes to Hrudey’s side and distracts the Flames while Los Angeles is scoring a goal. Fair is fair.

Something definitely needs be done if the Kings intend to prolong this series. We remain divided between patting their backs over that valiant comeback against Edmonton to reminding ourselves that Edmonton was a third-place team in its own division. Calgary, after all, is the class of the league. It has four solid lines and an All-Star goaltender. Its Stanley Cup probably runneth over.

The Kings, on the other hand, have a melting pot of ex-Oilers, ex-Flames, ex-Islanders, ex-Bruins, ex-Rangers, ex-etceteras who somehow have blended together to play above their visible capabilities. King linemates change partners more often than couples at a square dance. King defensemen are thin in talent and number, although Ftorek finally saw fit Thursday to give Doug Crossman some ice time and might put Ken Baumgartner back to work tonight.

Several key players have to snap out of slumps if the Kings are to have a chance. Luc Robitaille, who hasn’t been himself since the All-Star break, made a devastating error that contributed to Thursday night’s defeat. Mike Krushelnyski is way overdue to have a decent game. So is Dean Kennedy.

We hope each and every King is feeling aces-high for tonight’s Game 3, because if they aren’t, there might not be a Game 5.

We know they will be out there trying.

We know if anybody in a red uniform goes anywhere near Gretzky, sorehead Marty McSorley will be there to do something about it. When Gretzky gets a bad haircut, McSorley probably goes out and beats up his barber.

We also know that owner Bruce McNall is so superstitious, he won’t permit his wife to attend tonight’s game (the Kings lost the last time she was there), won’t permit the singing of our usual national anthem (the Kings haven’t lost since using “America the Beautiful” instead) and won’t permit the opening faceoff to be dropped until that dude with the lucky gluteus maximus drags his icy tush out there.

Hey, a team’s gotta do what a team’s gotta do.