Star(r)ing Moment Comes in a Pinch

What kind of man pinch-hits for Ted Williams? How about Bill Starr, a career minor leaguer who played only 13 games in the big leagues.

According to Starr’s book, “Clearing the Bases,” it happened in 1937, when both were playing for San Diego in the Pacific Coast League.

“We were in a tie game with Seattle. We had a man on first with nobody out in the last of the ninth, Ted Williams at bat, facing a righty pitcher. Our manager, Frank Shellenback, had Williams swinging, and he hit a foul--Strike 1. Shellenback then pulled Williams, who was never called upon to bunt, and sent me up.”

Starr bunted foul and then struck out. He went on to a lackluster career as a player, although he later owned the PCL Padres. Forever after, though, he could silence critics by saying, “I was good enough to pinch-hit for Ted Williams.”

Bet the IRS knows: Manager Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds, the subject of a gambling investigation, professes to be amused by the allegations of his betting habits, allegations that vary wildly.

“One week, you owe someone $700,000,” he said. “The next week, I win money at the track. Do I owe it or own it?”

You call this a goon? Donnie Poole is a journeyman fighter whose claim to fame, so far, is that the Washington Capitals once hired him to “instruct” their hockey players during training camp.

Poole told Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post that player response was varied.

Michael Pivonka, for instance, fresh from Czechoslovakia, where fighting on the ice is forbidden, couldn’t even make a fist. On the other hand, Dwight Schofield was so willing a student that he immediately challenged Poole to a fight.

Schofield, one of the few Capitals who did not figure to need instruction, at 6-foot-3 and 195 pounds, compared with Poole, 5-5 and 150. Schofield was the resident goon.

“I agreed to fight him,” Poole said. “He was all prepared for it. He had headgear, boots and a cup. I had nothing. I said, ‘I’ll box you, but just don’t hit me in the mouth, because I don’t have a mouthpiece.’ ”

Schofield’s first punch was at Poole’s mouth. Poole ducked, came up with a left hook and knocked Schofield cold. Schofield was traded a week later.

It’s only a dream: Dodger Manager Tom Lasorda has lost 22 pounds since he began his diet. But at some cost, of course. He told Scott Newman of the Pasadena Star-News, “I see giant clams in my sleep.”

Now he knows how those clams used to feel.

What no-hitter? Not just anybody breaks up Nolan Ryan’s no-hitters in the ninth inning. So far the panel includes Dick Allen, Reggie Jackson and Mike Schmidt. Oh, also Nelson Liriano, whose career batting average is .256. He’s the only other guy, besides Ted Williams, Bill Starr could hit for.

Liriano would have stood in: Was Ryan always an intimidating pitcher? We’d have to say yes. As a high school senior he once began a game by splitting the batting helmet of the first hitter and breaking an arm of the second.

“The third guy,” Ryan remembered, “begged not to hit.”

Quotebook: Cleveland Indian reliever Doug Jones, asked if he goes into another state of mind when he’s in a save situation: “I don’t know anyone who goes into another mental state, except that Oil Can Boyd.”