‘They Are a Godsend’ : Foster Parents to More Than 30 Children Over Past 13 Years Among Group to Be Honored

Lynda and Leonard Stiles have cared for more than 30 foster children, and both say that each face and smile, voice and laugh are etched into their memories like threads in a tapestry.

The couple hadn’t intended to make parenting other people’s children a lifetime’s passion when they sought a foster care license 13 years ago. But amid the joy and the pain, the life style “just sort of grew on us,” Lynda Stiles said.

“Each one of the children has come in and taught us a lesson,” she said. “They have given us far more than we have given them.”

‘Remarkable People’

Today, the Orange County Board of Supervisors, Social Services Agency and Probation Department will honor Leonard and Lynda Stiles, as well as six other county families, for their commitment to foster care.

“I would characterize them as remarkable people,” said Larry Leaman, director of the Social Services Agency. “They are citizens who will take a child, or sometimes several, into their homes at a time when it is the only alternative available to us when children are removed from the custody of their parents.

“They are a godsend.”

While many foster parents perform exceptional services, such as caring for displaced children who may have special medical and emotional needs, there remains a critical shortage of foster homes in the county, officials said.

About 600 Orange County families now provide foster care. But there are about 2,000 more children in group homes or institutions in need of foster homes.

In previous years, the foster care program in the county has come under fire for ineffectiveness in recruiting foster families, inadequate training and a high turnover of foster parents. From 1984 to 1985, the county’s foster program lost more than 100 families, dropping to a low of 583 families.

Since 1986, however, the number of foster families has stabilized at about 600 families, and county officials said most criticisms have been addressed.

“Every county throughout the nation has experienced a shortage of foster homes; it’s not a product of recruitment,” said Barbara Labitzke, coordinator of the foster care program and director of the Southern Area Fostercare Effort, which coordinates foster care in an eight-county area. “What we found is that we have to nurture the ones we have and provide support services.”

For the Stileses, the foster program has given their entire family irreplaceable experiences, they said.

The couple--Leonard is 62, Lynda is 43--have two children of their own, Dawn, 24, and Paul, 16. They have adopted two foster children, Timmy, 9, and James, 11, and are legal guardians of a 5-year-old girl. In addition, they currently are foster parents of a 3-year-old boy and a 16-month-old girl, both of whom have special medical needs.

“It took our children, especially the oldest, a long time to adapt,” Lynda Stiles said of the impact of having dozens of brothers and sisters over the years. “But as adults, they thank us often, because it has been such a rewarding experience.”

Paul Stiles seemed nonplussed when asked how it feels to have an ever-changing cast of siblings.

“It’s been a fact all of my life,” he said.

Paul Stiles said he has learned a lot about being a parent, but isn’t sure he will assume the burdens of foster care himself one day.

“You get so attached to them,” he said. “I don’t know if I could take them in and then let them go.”

Letting them go is indeed the most difficult thing, Leonard and Lynda Stiles agreed.

“We all react in different ways,” Lynda Stiles said. “Bus (Leonard’s family nickname) is subdued and quiet, and I want to talk about it. But I tend to cry. We usually don’t have another (child) right away because of that. We have to work through the grief.”

But the Stileses said their most important goal as foster parents is to reunite children with their natural families.

Many Families Reunited

According to the Social Services Agency, 50% of children in the foster care system eventually are reunited with the families they were born into.

And for many young parents who find themselves overwhelmed by the demands of parenting, foster parents such as the Stileses serve as role models.

“We have had natural mothers as young as 13 years old, and I kind of end up being their mother, too,” Lynda Stiles said.

The Stileses said they realize, too, that most children still want to return to their natural families, even when they have been victimized in those homes.

“We had a little boy who had been severely beaten, but was homesick all the time,” Lynda Stiles said. “Fortunately, the abusive partner had left. I knew the family didn’t have material things to offer, but I saw that bond and knew where he really wanted to be.”

For adopted sons James and Timmy, however, there is no place else they would rather be.

When he grows up, Timmy said he wants to be a surveyor like Leonard Stiles. But he admits that if that doesn’t work out, he would just as soon be a professional skateboarder. James, who came to the Stiles home as a foster child at the age of 1, said he hasn’t minded his sometimes hectic youth.

“It’s fun having lots of brothers and sisters because there are always kids you can talk to and do things with,” said James.

The other foster care parents to be honored are Anita Barber of San Clemente; Joanne and Jerald Noyes of Stanton; Cherri and John Olson of Fountain Valley; Debra and Robert Smith of Anaheim; Linda and Richard Smith of Yorba Linda, and Lorraine Connie Zeek of Fountain Valley.

Those interested in the county foster care program can get more information from the Department of Children’s Services at (714) 532-7777.