The Verdicts Are In on the Fall TV Season : Flat New Shows Run From Bad to So-So . . .

Visiting the month-old television season is like traveling through Kansas, where the highlights are Wichita and Topeka.

There’s such a pervasive flatness to the fall landscape that you have the feeling that network entertainment executives are rigid CPAs at heart, programming new series by calculator.

No risks. Click . No challenges. Click . No net worth. Click, click .

TV’s sex and violence get all the publicity, but creatively, the major networks are more conservative than they have been in years, digging their heels in and focusing so singularly on holding onto their shrinking audience that they’re terrified of change and frozen in timidity.

The mostly horrific results are on the screen, where the newest lobotomies of prime time can be easily categorized.

* Bad: “The People Next Door,” “Chicken Soup,” “Island Son,” “Top of the Hill,” “Family Matters,” “Baywatch,” “Living Dolls,” “Free Spirit,” “Homeroom,” “Booker,” “Peaceable Kingdom” and “Mancuso, FBI” (which premieres Friday).

* So-so: “Major Dad,” “The Famous Teddy Z,” “Alien Nation,” “Wolf,” “Doogie Howser, M.D.,” “The Nutt House,” “The Young Riders,” “Snoops,” “Life Goes On,” “Sister Kate” and “Hardball.”

* Good: You kidding?

Unlike recent past seasons, this one not only doesn’t offer any magic, but also no new series that provides food for thought or talk--no “Hill Street Blues,” no “Cagney & Lacey,” no “L.A. Law,” no “Moonlighting,” no “thirtysomething,” no “Frank’s Place,” no “Murphy Brown,” not even a “Married . . . With Children.”

With the present batch of new shows, what’s to discuss? “Wow, did you see the coifs on ‘Living Dolls’ last night?” “Was that surf on ‘Baywatch’ something or what?” “Can that Richard Chamberlain still handle a stethoscope?”

If ever a new series appeared bold but wasn’t, it’s “Life Goes On,” an ABC hour centering on a young man with Down’s syndrome who is played by someone with Down’s syndrome. The casting is courageous, but the series is nothing more than a catchall for cliches.

New series with potential? Fox’s “Alien Nation” has possibilities, but for now is a gimmicked-up cop series that safely couches its social message in a metaphor--creatures from outer space. Two comedies, “Sister Kate” on NBC and “The Famous Teddy Z” on CBS, have faded after promising starts. And CBS’ “Snoops” has snagged.

The new series with the most intelligence (in more ways than one) is “Doogie Howser, M.D.,” ABC’s well-acted half hour about a 16-year-old physician awkwardly merging his worlds of adolescence and professional medicine. Its execution, however, doesn’t match its promise, its glimmers of wit and tenderness sabotaged by the epic implausibility of its premise. A prodigy who plays an exquisite French horn, yes. But Dr. Doogie, no. Even if there is one in real life, his TV equivalent is critically low on credibility.

The new series with the least intelligence (barely edging out 12 others) is “Peaceable Kingdom,” the CBS hour starring Lindsay Wagner as a crusading zoo director who lives on the grounds with her children.

Only recently, this skilled animal specialist had to be told by a staff member that North American bears don’t eat tortoises. She sighed with relief, and the person who imparted the information didn’t seem bothered that a zoo director was such a nincompoop about animals. She’s probably worried now about tortoises that eat bears.

This season is a tortoise, finding as much safety in the formulaic past as a turtle does in its shell.

TV’s traditional maverick surfaces in CBS’ “Top of the Hill” and NBC’s “Hardball” and “Mancuso, FBI.” At least 10 new series, moreover, are variations of another very old theme--the alien injected into a foreign environment, a la “Alien Nation.” They’re TV’s move-ins:

In “Major Dad,” a tough Marine plants himself in a household of females. In “The People Next Door,” a bizarre cartoonist whose fantasies come to life marries into a straight family. In “The Famous Teddy Z,” a mail clerk is swept into big-time show business. In “Family Matters,” a mother-in-law moves in with her son and daughter-in-law. In “Free Spirit,” a witch moves into suburbia. In “Sister Kate,” a nun moves into an orphanage. In “Booker,” a street-tough investigator moves into the corporate jungle. In “Top of the Hill,” an idealistic young congressman is thrust into the cynical world of Capitol Hill.

With few exceptions, the conflicts created by these move-ins will not be like the everyday problems in the real world that linger indefinitely. They will be benign, if not trivial, and neatly resolved from week to week, all pain banished like a mild headache, fulfilling TV’s mission to soothe its viewers and not risk alienating anyone.

The message is that everything will be all right. But everything won’t be all right, because life isn’t television.

It wasn’t always like this. Start talking about the old days and you’re written off as musty and out of touch. It is true, however, that once there were comedies, such as “All in the Family,” “Maude” and “MASH,” that were not only funny, but also contained insights about the human condition and expressed them in a way that didn’t insult your intelligence or fuzz over real problems. But that was then, and this is now.

Some happy birthday. At age 50, American TV has finally become one of its own predictable stereotypes--balding, nearsighted, thick in the belly and oh-so-tired and dull. Yes, Dorothy, we are in Kansas.