L.A. Teams Strut Their Stuff

The Colleges Seldom have Los Angeles sports teams fared so miserably.

Not only did the Trojans, Bruins, Rams and Raiders all fall on their facemasks on the same weekend, but the Clippers failed to get rid of center Benoit Benjamin. Although no local teams sullied the Coliseum, that arena didn’t escape ignominy, either. Singer Axl Rose fell off the stage during a concert there.

Meanwhile, one week after Fitchburg State ended its 36-game losing streak, the University of the District of Columbia put a 25-game streak of misfortune on the line against Livingstone of North Carolina (1-4).

“(Livingstone’s players) were doing a lot of jawing before the game,” UDC’s Willie Wood Jr. said later. Final score: UDC 14, Livingstone 10. Most embarrassed team in the nation? Livingstone, we presume.

THE RANKINGS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1.-5. L.A. teams 5 Setbacks Don’t Ask 6. LSU (1-5) 21-27, Kentucky Tennessee 7. Oklahoma (5-2) 609 Yards* Colorado 8. AP’s Top 25 15-7-3 Shake Up 9. Tennessee (5-1) 123.7 yards** LSU 10. Ariz. St. (3-3-1) 7-27, Oregon Wash St.

11. Houston QB Andre Ware (minus 4 yards rushing vs. SMU); 12-15. Calling All Mildcats (Arizona, Kansas State, Kentucky, Northwestern) (10-16); 16. Singer Axl Rose (0-1); 17. Nebraska Coach Tom Osborne (still complaining about turf at Missouri after 50-7 win) 18. Livingstone (1-5); 19. Idle; 20. Cal State Zsa Zsa (minus 3 days).

*Yielded 609 yards to Iowa State, most in Sooner history.

**Ninth in conference in yards passing per game (123.7 yards).

QUOTEBOOK: Hawaii coach Bob Wagner, on his team’s 31-16 loss to Colorado State: “It’s not like they rolled us up, rolled us over and kicked our okole .” ( Okole is derriere in Hawaiian.)

TOSS-UP OF THE WEEK: BYU (6-1) vs. Hawaii (5-2) (but who’ll kick whose okole ?”)

COMEDOWN OF THE WEEK (29 points): Air Force, an 11-point favorite, lost, 9-27, to the Fightin’ Frogs of TCU.

The Pros

If Dancing Bears Coach Mike Ditka offers you any tips on what stocks to buy, pay attention. This man obviously can see the future.

When Chicago fell to Houston two weekends ago, Ditka raised the question of whether the Bears were capable of winning another game this season. “I don’t think we are,” he concluded.

And the Bears went right out and got beat up by Cleveland, 7-27. The Bears couldn’t stop the rushing game of Cleveland quarterback Bernie Kosar, who ran for one yard to hike his 4 1/2-year total to 75. Chicago, which now has suffered three straight setbacks for the first time under Ditka, is 4-3, going on 4-12.

Blooper-of-the-week award went to Seattle center Grant Feasel, who snapped the ball too soon on a field-goal try. It bounced off the helmet of holder Jeff Kemp, who wasn’t looking. Officials in the instant replay booth ruled that the ball then fell short of the end zone, and off to the right.

THE RANKINGS SWOON CONFERENCE

Team, Record Streak Next Loss 1. Chicago (4-3) Lost 3 Rams 2. Rams (5-2) Lost 2 Bears

PHOENIX DOGHOUSE CONFERENCE

Opponent Attendance Empty Seats 1. Atlanta 33,894 40,830 2. Philadelphia 42,620 32,104 3. San Diego 44,201 30,523

QB-FOR-A-DAY CONFERENCE*

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Grogan (0-1) 20-37, S.F. Indy 2. Flutie (1-2) Idle Idle 3. Eason (1-2) Idle Idle

*New England Patriots are only member.

QUOTEBOOK: Coliseum spectator Greg Horbachevsky, gazing at one end zone, where the Rolling Stones were performing: “Guess I picked the wrong time to get seats on the 50-yard line.”

NAME GAME: Pitt coach Chuck Noll was listed as “Chuck Knoll” on the roster sheets given to reporters for Sunday’s game against Houston. Two years ago, Oilers coach Jerry Glanville--who has been feuding with Noll--was introduced at Pitt’s Three Rivers Stadium as “Gary Grandview.”