County Ditty Is Corny--but Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Go figure it. For some reason, Orange County has not been much of an inspiration for songwriters.

I mean, if Randy (“I Love L.A.”) Newman can boast about that place, what’s to stop, say, Fine Young Cannibals from setting Orange County to vibes?

Or if the Cans are just a tad busy these days, how about James Brown? I hear he could use the work.

I really think that a snappy tune about Orange County could go a long way toward improving our collective psyche.

Just think about all the local gloom and doom lately: the oil spill, malathion wars, traffic woes, smog, high prices, Rep. Chris Cox being shut out of Lithuania. . . . I could go on and on.

If you ask me, what we need is a pick-me-upper, something along the lines of Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Granted, Not Worrying did get a little old fast--think of those stupid yellow happy faces of a few years back and you’ll recognize the phenomenon--but while McFerrin was hot, you saw a lot of goofy grins on everyone’s face, didn’t you?

Still, no sense fretting about whether some temperamental artiste will deign to leave his heart in Orange County. I understand there are other considerations. Even “New York New York” was no chart topper, after all.

And these days, when you can practically guarantee yourself a platinum record with some bass-heavy ditty about cheatin’ hearts in sleazy times, well . . . it doesn’t look good for a disco mix about Orange County either.

I think there’s hope, however. I say this because I called Dr. Demento for some guidance. I figured that maybe somebody had already set Orange County to song and if anybody would know what’s out there, Dr. D would.

The doctor is an expert in the field of municipal musicology. He’s got a radio show on KLSX every Sunday night where, as you are surely aware, he catapulted “Pico and Sepulveda”--the lyrics consist entirely of Los Angeles street names with “La Brea Tar Pits” as the hook--into a cult classic.

Turns out that just the other week, the doc did one of his dueling cities gigs. I missed the show, however, so Demento dug out what I was interested in and played it over the phone. He says he found it in a thrift shop about 20 years ago.

“This seems to be the one for Orange County,” he says. “I think you’ll find it a bit camp.”

It’s a 45 called “Orange County”--with the heretofore unheralded “Mulholland Drive” on the flip side--which was produced by Spartan Records in 1964. It was written by Keith Harman and Charles Murchison--your guess is as good as mine--and sung by a nameless chorus of male and female vocalists.

As for the melody, I suggest you invent your own. The one Harman and Murchison thought up could use some work.

The women go first:

The golden West where easy living’s best, California is best in lovely Orange County. Knott’s Berry Farm is there. Ghost Town will let you share a mining town’s history....

It’s majesty, breathtaking as can be, where orange trees grow for you to consume every blossom’s perfume. A dream come true, a blend of old and new, where folks will welcome you to a lovely, friendly Orange County....

Then the men:

Couples are hand in hand walking through Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, the place to be where work and play agree and mountains touch the sea in friendly Orange County....

Then the chorus:

It’s majesty, breathtaking as can be....

Then the men:

Orange County spending the afternoon, swimming at Newport dunes. It’s only a part of lovely Orange County....

Finally, th chorus again and that’s it.

All right, so “Orange County” is a little out of date. A little freshening here and there wouldn’t hurt.

But it is upbeat and beggars can’t be choosers.

OK, all together now:

It’s majesty, breathtaking as can be . ...

I bet you feel better already.

Dianne Klein’s column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Klein by writing to her at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7406.