Sports Cliches: Let the Record Speak for Itself

You can have the Super Bowl. You can have even the World Series. More exciting than both--with 64 teams ultimately dwindling to a Final Four playing for the right to meet in a championship game--is the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.

That’s excitement.

With the tournament starting Thursday (on ESPN), it’s a good time to review TV coverage of the season by way of proposing some TV commandments for the future.

Thou Shalt Not Mindlessly Utter Mindless Cliches.

One of the trendiest cliches--it caught on big this season--surfaces when the game is winding down. Yes, the tension is excruciating as the final seconds tick away with the score tied and one team maneuvering for the winning shot. You hold your breath and. . . .

Suddenly, a whistle. The center has been charged with a foul for pushing off, a close call, but a correct one that will probably give victory to the other team.

The offending player’s coach and teammates are enraged, and so is the announcer, who now utters that familiar refrain: “The refs shouldn’t take the ball out of the players’ hands when the game’s on the line. They should let the kids play.”

Huh? When does “on the line” start? With a few seconds remaining? A minute? Two? If the purpose of the referees is to “let the kids play” no matter what, moreover, why are there referees? Near the end of a close game, they should leave the court and sit on the bench?

Fine, then put that in the rules instead of having referees be unfairly chastised by coaches and sportscasters for merely enforcing the existing rules.

Cliche No. 2: “What a job he’s done.” This is what announcers feel compelled to say about every coach, whether his record is 30-0 or 0-30. It’s automatic with announcers that if a coach has a winning record, that record speaks for itself, and if he has a losing record, he’s getting the most from bad material.

More often than not, actually, the announcers have no valid way of assessing a coach’s performance beyond the game of the moment. They don’t attend practices. They don’t sit in on recruiting. All they do is go to games, and all they know is what they’re told.

Once, just once, I’d love to hear one of them say about a coach: “What a lousy job he’s done.”

Cliche No. 3: “They never quit.” This is the obligatory comment that accompanies one-sided games, the compliment being aimed at the losing team.

“Of course they never quit,” CBS football analyst John Madden once said about losing teams, cutting through the cliche. “They don’t let you quit.”

Good point. It’s a fact that teams are required to remain on the field or court until the contest ends.

Cliche No. 4: “They shouldn’t throw things on the floor. A player could get hurt.” This is what you hear from announcers when basketball crowds get rowdy and toss objects.

Players injure themselves by pulling hamstrings and getting cramps. They crash into each other, slug each other, elbow each other, trip each other, push each other and do just about everything else short of mowing down their opponents with AK-47s. All of these thing are potentially debilitating.

However, can you recall the last time a player was hurt by something thrown onto the court? I can hear it now: “Jones survived hitting his head on the backboard without a scratch, but getting tagged by that paper cup was lethal.”

Thou Shalt Not Show Crowd, Cheerleader or Bench Shots After Every Basket. Ditto for Replays.

Where is it written that viewers want to see more off-court action than on-court action? Nowhere. Does it really make sense to show crowd reactions or replays while ignoring what’s happening on the court? No. Can’t we just assume--without having to see them each time--that fans are happy when their teams score? Yes. How many plays are worth a second look? Few.

Thou Shalt Hire More Female Basketball Announcers .

For example, former UCLA star Ann Meyers--the radio commentator for UCLA men’s games--deserves a shot at TV, too. Although a bit of a homer, Meyers not only approaches the game analytically, but also is good at articulating what she knows.

At ABC, meanwhile, former USC star Cheryl Miller is a washout as a sports reporter, but has done a nice job on the occasional men’s basketball games she’s worked as an an announcer.

By so ably working men’s as well as women’s tennis on ESPN, the gifted Mary Carillo has been a trailblazer. It should be obvious to everyone now: The integration of female announcers and male sports events is an idea whose time has come at last.

Thou Shalt Not Create or Give Credibility to Artificial All-Star Teams Conceived by Individuals .

There are already so many college all-star teams that the entire concept has been tainted and trivialized. Bad enough.

But the following excerpt from a recent newspaper item may reflect the beginning of a trend that could carry the process to absurdity: “USC guard Harold Miner was named to Dick Vitale’s national All-Freshman team. Joining Miner on the five man team. . . .”

What is this guy Vitale, an institution or something just because his voice explodes off the Richter scale and his intrusive antics overshadow most every game he works on ESPN and ABC? Do members of his All-Freshman team get certificates? Trophies?

When all-star teams designated by individual sportscasters become validated by other members of the media, then it’s time to do some rethinking. What’s next, Vitale’s Top 25 poll, in which he polls himself?

Try this: Dick Vitale was named to the national All-Overbearing team. . . .