Bert Blyleven showed us a lot when he left this note taped to his locker after a recent bombing at Tiger Stadium:
I STUNK TODAY.
P.S. The weather was nice.
Blyleven showed us he had a sense of humor, which we already knew, and he showed us he had perspective, which is good, and he showed us he could write.
Learn something new every day.
Those were Blyleven's only words to the press corps that day, but they more than sufficed. Most sportswriters should cut to the quick of the matter so succinctly.
Blyleven also set an example for every athlete, coach, manager and front office official who ever grew weary of the daily question-and-answer barrage. You don't want to talk to us? We understand. Just leave us a note.
A few we'd like to see:
I STUNK TODAY.
P.S. It's Gwynn's fault.
P.S. The weather? That's none of your business.
FELT A TWINGE. BACK IN THREE MONTHS.
WENT OUT FOR A WALK.
P.S. Just kidding.
I SUBMIT TO YOU, AT THIS POINT IN TIME, THAT IT WOULD NEITHER BE PRUDENT NOR APPROPRIATE TO ELABORATE UPON THE DETAILS OF MY SUDDEN DEPARTURE, NOR AM I AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS THE PARTICULARS OF MY RETURN.
MIKE PORT AND I WENT TO LUNCH. BACK IN AN HOUR.
OUT GETTING MY SOUL RE-APPRAISED.
GOTT 3 HITZ. WE ONE. LATER, DOODS.
I GOT MINE. TALK TO MY AGENT.
IF YOU NEED ME, I'M IN SANDY ALDERSON'S OFFICE.
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING, BUT I FORGOT WHAT IT IS.
CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH TOMORROW. MY PLACE AT 11. ALL CY YOUNG VOTERS INVITED.
GONE TO ITALY.
P.S. For vacation, Elgin, just for vacation.
YOU CAN REACH ME AT HOME. EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.
TOO TIRED TO TALK.
P.S. But I don't need a day off.
I CAN'T EXPLAIN.
TELL DALE BROWN I FINALLY MADE IT TO DENVER.
P.S. Say Hi to Marty Blake for me.
LOOKING INTO THIS AYSO THING. THEY SAY EVERYBODY PLAYS.
JUST GOT LUCKY.
I FINALLY GOT WHAT I WANT.
P.S. I think.
WHO'S THE LITTLE DWARF?
IS IT TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE?
STEP OUTSIDE. ALL OF YOU.
I JUST WORK HERE.
I JUST DON'T KNOW.
IF SPARKY CALLS, TELL HIM TO KISS MY $%& .
P.S. I love that guy.
THANKS FOR THE KIND WORDS ABOUT THE NO-HITTER. THINK I GOT ENOUGH VOTES FOR COOPERSTOWN?
P.S. If not, let me know. I can throw another.
ANY OPENINGS AT YOUR PAPERS?
I JUST FEEL PRETTY IN PINK.