You may have heard that Irwindale, the...

You may have heard that Irwindale, the once-and-never home of the Raiders, wants to fill in its famous gravel pits to rid itself of its moonscape image and attract commercial developers.

But as one consultant said: “It took 80 years to make all those holes. It’s going to take a while to fill them up.”

Readers, this is an emergency. Please send Only in L.A. your suggestions on how Irwindale can stuff those pits.

Here’s some filler that we would include:

Raider press releases, blueprints for the Hubble telescope, blueprints for the Cal State Long Beach recital hall, plans for the “Steel Cloud” gateway over the Hollywood Freeway, the defunct Venice Pier, the secret redistricting plans of the county supervisors, all the screenwriters’ drafts for the movie, “Coming to America,” and, of course, Zsa Zsa’s Rolls-Royce.

P ush ‘em back . . . push ‘em back . . . w-a-y back!

A group of high school cheerleaders found themselves on the defensive the other day when a city inspector told them they were breaking the law by standing on a sidewalk and brandishing signs for a Granada Hills subdivision.

The girls, hired by the developer, took the job to raise money to buy new cheerleading equipment.

The Bureau of Street Maintenance inspector confiscated the signs because the cheerleaders were on public property. The girls said they were then told they’d be arrested if they didn’t get off the sidewalk.

A spokesman for Street Maintenance said there was no mention of the arrest threat in the report of the inspector, who was on vacation and could not be reached.

But Street Maintenance said that the developer had been warned in the past about “using the public right-of-way for his commercial ventures.”

“Come see our beautiful new water fountain in the patio,” read the sign outside one trendy Main Street eatery in Santa Monica.

Nearby, a different kind of fountain was visible the other night--sewage escaping from a valve in the sidewalk.

M edia types were invited to a rehearsal of the Rose Bowl’s 4th of July celebration to watch stunt driver Karl Winn jump over “a mock Berlin Wall” on a high-wire motorbike.

What Berlin Wall?

The Lost City of the Lizard People hasn’t been forgotten.

Several weeks ago, we discussed the legendary ancient civilization, which lies beneath the Civic Center, according to Hopi legend. The Lizardites were said to have built the underground metropolis in order to protect themselves and their vast gold holdings from floods.

Since our mention, Larry Tomoyasu has published a poem, “History for L.A.,” in the Downtown News, in which he muses whether the Lizard City has been “cracked into” during Metro Rail construction . . .

like thousand year old

eggshells. dusty and hollow.

And Samuel Freeman of Santa Monica was so inspired that he wrote us to say that he’d founded the Lizard People Church, pointing out that it’s in the tradition of California’s “unusual sects, cults, religious movements, etc.” Freeman says his slogan is: “Blessed Be the LPC!”

miseclLAny:

Bert Grimms Tattoos, decorating bodies in Long Beach since 1927, claims to be the oldest tattoo shop in the nation.