Too Hot to Handle : For Most, These Lazy, Hazy--Scorching--Days of August Rank as Dullest, Most Miserable of Year

What with Marc Antony and Cleopatra around, Emperor Augustus Caesar ruled in a pretty awesome era.

y comparison, the month named after him is downright boring (events in the Mideast notwithstanding).

The 31 days between July and September are the hottest, most humid of the year. There’s not a single holiday. And with the good ol’ season ending, many people find themselves stuck with a case of the summertime blues.

Finding that the livin’ ain’t so easy after all, many give up and run away.

Jack Kyser, chief economist for the Los Angeles Area Chamber of Commerce, said vacations and business slowdowns, once divided between July and August, now are concentrated in August.

“You can tell by the traffic in your morning commute, by the volume of calls you get, by the calls you make,” he said.

Some of those who can’t escape grow grumpy or lethargic.

The anticipated joys of the California summer--the blasts at the beach, the trips with the back seat loaded to the roof with luggage--haven’t panned out. And now, with no real respite, they face another grueling autumn.

“People have transitional times when they don’t want to do anything,” said Los Angeles psychologist Gary Emery. “I think August is a transition between the end of summer and the beginning of fall. There’s not a lot to look forward to.”

Mark and Brian, morning disc jockeys on KLOS-FM, say they’ve received an unusual number of “negative” calls this month.

“In the spring, we have lots of love interest,” Mark Thompson said. “Guys call up and want to know how to approach that woman they’ve been eyeing for six months. Now they’re calling and wanting to know how to break up with her.”

Dodger catcher Mike Scioscia, en route to the best season of his 10-year major league career, is not bothered by his mask, heavy chest protector or the Eastern heat and humidity. But still. . . .

“You have played four months and you still don’t know which teams are going to be ahead of you and how many games you have to win to catch them in the final month,” Scioscia said. “There is no result close at hand. It’s an in-between time. Mentally, it takes a toll.”

KROQ disc jockey Richard Blade has noticed that crowds appear much later than usual when he spins records at clubs.

“They will usually be empty until 11 p.m., and then they will be jammed to the point of being a joke,” he said. “It’s so hot during the day that people tend to get off the freeway and sit around until they have the energy to go out.”

Even if Angelenos aren’t wilted or depressed, enough leave town that social life and fund-raising are major casualties, said Elisabeth Familian, publisher of LA Master Planner. The monthly calendar and clearinghouse for charitable, political and civic events shows only 78 in August, compared to a 255 high last October.

“If people are planning functions,” Familian said, “they want a time when they can get maximum attendance, and traditionally, people take vacations in August. Their kids are home, it’s hot and they don’t want to get dressed up or go out.”

Hallee Gould, owner of Somerset Caterers in West Los Angeles, said her business declines 40% during the month. In September, she said, “all hell breaks out” as people pull out of their summer doldrums and want to see their friends again.

The month traditionally--at least on the East Coast--leaves therapy clients feeling abandoned. After a therapist reveals holiday plans in Judith Rossner’s novel, “August,” her unhappy patient complains: “August comes, and you pick me up and toss me back into the middle of the ocean.”

Waves of customers leaving town also send hairdressers on vacation. “Usually the business is real slow,” said stylist Sue Melin of Levon and Susie’s in Studio City. “You might have one good week out of four. It’s a pill.”

Children who enjoyed vacation may feel stress anticipating the opening of school in September.

“There are a group of kids who like to be on the loose and are not looking forward to answering to a school bell,” said Loeb Aronin, a director of school support services for the Los Angeles Unified School District. “Most of them can shrug off the start of the year. A few may suffer allergies, colds, headaches or stomach aches as they change their lifestyle.”

Meanwhile, parents who have had children under foot for a few months look forward to the end of August. And a vacation from vacation.