Beverly Hills police might have nominated Zsa...

Beverly Hills police might have nominated Zsa Zsa. Casual pot smokers would certainly have voted for L.A. Police Chief Daryl Gates. Some L.A. County residents would have opted for malathion.

But none of the above made Spy Magazine’s prestigious 1990 list of “The 100 Most Annoying, Alarming and Appalling People, Places and Things.”

It’s not really surprising. You know how snooty Eastern publications tend to ignore the West. But even Spy had to include Raiders wheeler-dealer Al Davis and junk-bond crook Mike Milken.

Randy Keser’s car doubles as a mobile personal ad.

“Wife Wanted,” blares a sign on the back of his VW Rabbit. In smaller print, it adds, “Or Live-Together Mate.” There’s also a phone number for the Lovelorn of the Lanes to jot down.

Keser, a 39-year-old aspiring actor who has been married previously, said, “I haven’t had much luck finding a woman the regular way. I mean, I could pick up someone in a nightclub. But if I marry her that’s where she’s gonna be (in a nightclub) when I’m working at night.” Keser, who said he’s displayed the sign “off and on” since January, reports he’s heard from “a few women” as well as several pranksters.

He added: “I also hear from other guys who say they wish they had the courage to do what I’m doing. They ask if they can have some of my leftover phone numbers.”

The license plate frame on L.A. City Fire Engine No. 43 says: “This is the E-Ticket Ride.”

The freeways are more congested than ever and the price of gasoline is ticking ever upward. But one oil company wants to help out the motorist, as only an oil company can. Local Shell outlets are offering “Cruisin’ Classics” tapes for “$1.99 each, with 8-gallon fill-up.” The cruisin’ hits include “Ventura Highway” by America. Really puts you in the mood to burn up $1.40 per gallon in rush-hour traffic, doesn’t it?

As an example of the Let-the-Computer-Do-the-Thinking attitude, Lynn Dickhoff of Topanga cites the postal clerk who informed her that the cost of mailing two small calendars would be $103.80.

Before the mistake was discovered--the computer hadn’t cleared the previous customer’s $99 money order--Dickhoff commented that $103.80 seemed a bit high.

“It’s the tax,” the clerk said.

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The Gorman School District to the northeast of L.A., the smallest in the county, consists of three teachers and 42 students.