It’s Already Turned Into a Mini-Series

Earlier this week, Washington Post columnist Tony Kornheiser veered off the conventional sportswriter’s path, covering the world chess championships in New York between the two Soviet grandmasters, champion Gary Kasparov and challenger Anatoly Karpov.

Reflecting on the adaptability of chess to television coverage, Kornheiser wrote: “It’s perfect for the telestrater, and there are enough natural breaks in the action--like when they take two months off for lunch--to handle a heavy commercial load. I can imagine an all-Madden chess team: big, fat guys in rumpled suits and perspiration stains, tearing off hunks of salami and sneering at their opponents as they chewed. Madden would’ve loved crazy Bobby (Calling Planet Earth) Fischer. On the chalkboard he could’ve pointed out through which fillings in Fischer’s teeth the CIA was sending him the coded messages.”

Add chess: Reconsidering, Kornheiser wrote: “If only we could relate to chess players better--if we knew which ones threw the hard cheese. If only chess players gave more interviews and said things like, ‘I’ll hit you so hard, I’ll kill your whole family.’ If only they used the key words: momentum and focused, as in, ‘You know, I just tried to be focused, so I could concentrate on the momentum.’ ”

Last add chess: Kornheiser wondered: “And how do you train anyway, by sitting in a chair eight hours a day? Does that mean Art Linkletter is a grandmaster? Chess isn’t like the other sports we glorify. It takes--dare I say it?--thinking!”

Trivia time: Who was the last National Leaguer to bat .400?

Cross reference: From Randy Cross, the former San Francisco 49er lineman now working for CBS-TV as a color commentator: “The Rams are a 1990 imitation of Don Coryell’s San Diego Chargers: all O and no D. John Robinson’s system puts tremendous pressure on a defense that doesn’t have a single lineman who could start for any other team in the division.”

Familiar formula: Notre Dame is No. 1 in the Associated Press’ Division I-A college football poll, but that didn’t stop AP’s Herschel Nissenson from pointing out Wednesday that Youngstown State, the top-ranked Division I-AA team, beat Eastern Michigan, which beat Western Michigan, which beat Louisiana Tech, which beat Southwestern Louisiana, which beat Tulane, which beat Rice, which beat Arkansas, which beat Colorado State, which beat Wyoming, which beat Washington State, which beat California, which beat San Jose State, which beat Stanford . . . which beat Notre Dame.

Heads up: Sweden’s Peter Lundgren was poised to serve for the match against Aaron Krickstein at the Wembley indoor tennis tournament in London Thursday, when showers interrupted play.

From the rafters came pigeon droppings, interrupting play for seven minutes. AP reported that the birds, which flew around the arena during play, “apparently knocked some dried droppings from the rafters as well as depositing fresh material on the court.”

Add Pigeons: The match between Jeremy Bates and Michael Chang was also interrupted by pigeons dropping, and workmen were called in to clean the court.

Said Chang: “If your foot rolled on it, it could cause a major injury.”

Bates, however, was unfazed, recalling his experiences at an English seaside resort: “I get showered at Eastbourne regularly by sea gulls.”

Trivia answer: Bill Terry, New York Giants, .401 in 1930.

Quotebook: Ohio State University president E. Gordon Gee, on the relationship between athletics and academics: “I only half-jokingly have said to people that on Saturday while they are watching football players, I am watching my budget run up and down the field.”