Star-Studded Gates Benefit

After reading in your paper about the trials and tribulations of Sheriff Brad Gates, I would like to suggest that the Republican Party have a fund-raiser to take the taxpayers and the good sheriff off the hook on his latest lawsuit fiasco.

For guest speakers, the party could have former President Ronald Reagan. Once again, he could explain how nobody told him what was happening concerning the Iran-Contra debacle.

Second, President Bush could tell us why he is blocking the release of his Iran-Contra papers to the special prosecutor.

Third, we could have Ollie North demonstrate how to use a paper shredder with out jamming it.

Fourth, Richard Nixon would be ideal; maybe he could tell us what was missing on the erased tape.

For a backup, what about former Vice President Spiro Agnew? He could castigate the law system for bringing the poor sheriff to trial. Then there is Edwin Meese, who could give us a lecture on how not to remember anything while in office.

But let’s don’t forget Sam Pierce of HUD; he could discuss how to distribute funds to your buddies without your boss knowing for eight years. And last but not least, Adm. John Poindexter could explain to us how you talk to your boss everyday for approximately one hour and manage never to tell him what you are doing.

With these outstanding Republicans, the party would raise enough money to pay all the damages that the good sheriff has wrought upon us taxpayers, plus maybe take care of some of the overtime expenses the sheriff seems to have an excessive fondness for.

All in all, it could be a memorable evening in Orange County.

GEORGE E. MOFFAT

La Habra