HOLIDAY WATCH : Selective Service

Peter Glen, a self-proclaimed “customer terrorist,” took a tour of a shopping mall with a Times reporter recently. The amusing, somewhat sadomasochistic mission was to point out bad customer service and ways the consumer can fight back.

We all know the blood-boiling stuff: The it’s-not-my-department sales associates. Sales people chronicling their dates while you wait at the counter with full arms. The clerk who’s deeply examining the chip in her or his nail polish but is too busy to tell you where the nearest bathroom is.

During a holiday season in which many stores expect to go begging for customers, the egregious examples of bad service will probably be few. But Glen is prepared for any contingency. His most dramatic weapon is a scream: “Help!”--which of course brings it running.

We have a few other ideas for those little extras likely to attract quick customer service: 1) A toddler--one with sticky hands--anywhere near silks, bone china or designer fountain pens. 2) Name-dropping--but the names must be distinctive and in film or television: A Spielberg here, a Bochco there, within earshot of an ambitious sales associate.

But before all that, we suggest something that’s a bit radical in these days of so much talk about self-empowerment and taking charge. Perhaps a “Please” or “Excuse me, I really need your help.” OK. Maybe those approaches are lily-livered and surrender too much power to the people who are paid to provide service. But it is, after all, the season of giving.