ANALYSIS : How to Figure the NCAAs

Okay, gang, it’s that time again. Everybody into the NCAA pools. Won’t we all bet it? Don’t we all fret it? When there’s 64.

For those of you handicapping the seeds: 13 over 4. 8 plus 9, and carry the 1. 11 divided by 6. 76ers-49ers pick’em.

We’re talking mortal locks. We’re talking sleepers. We’re talking big-time choking dogs. (The only one who’s not talking is Dick Vitale, now that CBS has hogged the whole road to the Final Four.)

But first . . .

What’s a Chanticleer?

In honor of Coastal Carolina, we asked that question of the best minds in our crack sports staff, and got these answers:

“I think it’s a fish.”

“We used to have one in the foyer -- only the kids threw their coats on it.”

“Didn’t Liberace have one on his piano?”

“It’s a lyric in the song “The Living Years” by Mike and The Mechanics. It goes, ‘Sing it loud. Chan-ti-cleer.’ ”

Actually, it’s a medieval rooster, but thanks so much to everyone who took part.

The Chanticleers aren’t the only intriguing nickname in this year’s field. There’s the Red Flash of St. Francis of Pennsylvania (if Jack Sikma went there, he’d have been Jumpin’ Jack Flash), the Commodores (without Lionel Ritchie) of Vanderbilt, the Privateers of New Orleans, the Musketeers of Xavier (who’ll be the Mousketeers if the campus relocates to Orlando), the Grizzlies of Montana (soon to be a Stephen King miniseries) and the Wisconsin-Green Bay Fighting Phoenix, which I know is brilliant on some level, but I’m going to need a hint. (Eastern Michigan has gone completely Zen, it doesn’t even have a nickname.)

Still on the subject of names, here’s an All-Name team: Tony “Check Me Out, I’m” Dunkin of Coastal Carolina; Popeye Jones of Murray State; Courtney “Pardon Me, Are Those Bugle Boy” Jeans of Texas; his teammate, Lockslie Collie; 7-2 Luc “Have You Got Something In An Extra” Longley of New Mexico; Darin “I Could Just” Plautz of Creighton; Phillip Luckydo of Georgia State; Adonis Jordan of Kansas; H Waldman of UNLV (just H, no period, H-don’t ask me, ask his parents, A and B); Purdue’s Roger “I’m Not Sick, I’m Only” Fasting; and Marty “Have I Got A” Story of East Tennessee State. MVP is Vandy’s Chuck Mayes, a pre-med student nicknamed “The Swishin’ Physician.” (A special mention to Dick Bennett, Wisconsin-Green Bay’s crooner-coach, for naming his shooting guard son Tony.)

Now, on to the draw!

Apparently, one of the keys to making this year’s tournament was to leave your conference. Arkansas, going au revoir Southwest; Penn State, exiting the Atlantic-10; Florida State, bailing out on the Metro; Towson State, debating whether to bolt the East Coast Conference. Attention moving van-poolmeisters: Given the draw, Team Mayflower could all reach the Final Eight. (There’s also a Turnpike Exit Final Four of Seton Hall, Princeton, St. Peter’s and Rutgers for you Jersey maniacs.)

Where’s Keith? First-Rounders: Pitt vs. Georgia. Florida State vs. USC.

Stand Up And Glower First-Rounder: Purdue’s Gene Keady vs. Temple’s John Chaney.

Missed Opportunity First-Rounder: Not matching Alabama Tide vs. Pepperdine Waves.

Talk about getting hosed: Princeton, whose only hope depends on outsmarting the opposition, draws Rollie Massimino in the first round, then El Deano in the second.

Sonny Von Bulow Time! Here are some heavy sleepers, low-seeded teams that could win a game or two: UConn (way undervalued at 11, especially if The Shack ain’t totally back). DePaul (9). Temple (10). Murray State, cradle of hockey coaches, (13).

Narcolepsy Time! Here’s one light sleeper that could get to the Final Four: N.C. State (6).

Ralph Time! Here are some overrated teams that will be checking out earlier than expected: Syracuse (2). Nebraska (3). Utah (4). St. John’s (4).

All right, you’ve waited long enough. Here’s the Final Four: UNLV, Indiana, UCLA, Duke. Sing it loud, chan-ti-cleer.