Soon coming to L.A., the peace dividend...

Soon coming to L.A., the peace dividend we’ve been waiting for:

“Sand from the Liberated Beaches of Kuwait!”

Packaged in $5 vials, the product is the inspiration of Kip Carpenter, an investment counselor in San Clemente. Yes, you too will have the opportunity to draw a line through the sand of the Perisan Gulf.

Carpenter says he’s negotiating with “some department stores in L.A. that want to stock it.” And he’ll be offering some for sale at Sunday’s Hollywood Welcome Home Desert Storm Parade. The exotic grains are also available on a mail-order basis, says Carpenter, who adds that he plans to give a portion of the proceeds to a still-undetermined charity.

The idea crystallized in his mind after Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf picked up a handful of Kuwaiti sand to symbolize the U.S. victory. Carpenter says his own sand was brought over from Kuwait by a military friend and is fully documented.

Which leaves only one question: What will be the next Persian Gulf war product? We’re putting our money on:

“Soot from the Liberated Oil Fields of Kuwait!”

In Sue Grafton’s latest mystery, “H Is for Homicide,” private eye Kinsey Millhone infiltrates an insurance fraud ring in L.A. that’s into murder and kidnaping. But those aren’t the only serious crimes she uncovers. Millhone also notices that one gang member sports large tattoos on his arms of Donald and Daffy Duck.

“That,” she informs him, “is a copyright violation.”

Speaking of quackers, the Great Southern California Duck Race bobs into Santa Monica Bay on Saturday. The event, which benefits Childrens Hospital of L.A., is a contest to see which of 30,000 rubber ducks can float the fastest from one end of the pier to the other.

The meet record for the one-third-mile course is a leisurely 29:02, set last year. The winning creature was sponsored by Paula and Richard Elias of Diamond Bar, who won a free trip to Washington. You can sponsor a duck for $5 by calling 1-800-352-DUCK.

List of the Day: L.A. County locales cited by Better Homes and Gardens magazine on its list of places for ideal “family beach vacations”:

1--None.

The only California beaches mentioned, in fact, were in Orange County. OK, so maybe the polluted waters along L.A. County’s coastline are ideal only for families of rubber ducks. But what about the boardwalk at Venice? There isn’t a nicer place to take the family snake for a stroll.

A reader recently sent along a headline from a Dec. 3, 1988, issue of The Times that said: “Experts Predict End of Drought on West Coast.” Fortunately, the remarkable knack of experts for making inaccurate forecasts isn’t always a bad thing. Take the headline of an April 25, 1977, Times story we came across. It said:

“Study Forecasts $2.50-a-Gallon Gasoline by 1990.”

MiscelLAny:

The Chicago Cubs baseball team once held its spring training workouts on Catalina Island.