Flap Over Moniker, Namely North Hills

Legend has it that when ostriches are confronted with apparent danger, adversity or predatory enemies, they stick their heads in the ground. This bizarre behavior is currently being emulated by some of my neighbors in Sepulveda and Granada Hills.

A petition drive by these residents would change the name of their respective communities to North Hills. These would-be secessionists contend that a name change will rid them of the crime, drugs, gangs and prostitution that plagues parts of Sepulveda, that the North Hills moniker will psychologically disassociate them from the unsavory reputation Sepulveda is currently burdened with.

How simple life would be if we could just close our eyes, bury our heads in the dirt, sign a petition, click our heels and magically, all crimes, drug problems and gang warfare would be vanquished to the east side of oblivion.

Secessionists, pull your heads out of the dirt. Crime is at your doorstep, as it is on every doorstep of Los Angeles County. Criminals respect no boundaries.

The secessionist ostriches are selfish and self-serving, wanting nothing more than to preserve their property values with no effort, work or pain.

Maybe ostriches really do have something by hiding their heads in the sand. Maybe Ostrich Hills as a name. You must admit it sounds ominous, and may do more to scare away criminals, druggies, gangs and prostitutes. Be on the lookout for my petition drive. Ostrich Hills; it frightens me just to say it.

ARMANDO VAZQUEZ

Sepulveda