Maybe Love Letters Would Put a Happy Face on Williams

Poor Lee Williams. He wants out of San Diego. He wants nothing to do with the Chargers, those nasty ingrates.

No one loves him. No one appreciates him. No one respects him.

And I, for one, do not understand him.

Consider, for example, what was done for him last year. His contract was renegotiated in the middle of the season. It will pay him a base salary of $900,000 this year and extends through the 1995 season.

That gesture was quite thoughtful and fair and would seem to indicate there is a considerable measure of appreciation on the part of Messrs. Alex Spanos and Bobby Beathard.

Exactly what does this man want?

Is the head coach supposed to bring him candy?

Is the defensive coordinator supposed to send him flowers?

Is the defensive line coach supposed to pour him champagne?

Money, after all, is supposedly not an issue. At Williams’ rate of pay, I don’t see how it could be. If he wants to make more money, he needs to change sports rather than teams. You have to play basketball or baseball to make more than $900,000 a year.

This is all about treatment.

I guess the best way to get Lee Williams to camp is to send a private jet to Lauderhill, Fla., to pick him up. There probably will be time on the cross-country flight to provide him with a seven-course meal and maybe two massages, one for his body and one for his ego.

Once he gets to San Diego, of course, a limousine will pick him up at the airport and deliver him to UC San Diego . . . either a limousine or a helicopter. A limo will have to come into play at some point, however. After all, it is a five-minute walk to the practice field. And tell the driver not to go away, because he will be needed to get The Star to the stadium and then to the practice field once the season starts.

Naturally, locker room facilities will have to be adjusted to accommodate Williams’ need for love, appreciation and respect. He will have his own dressing room, rather than cubicle. He will have a star on the door and white lights around his mirror, which will be 10 feet wide and eight feet high.

And support staff will be vital. He will need a hair stylist, manicurist, trainer, physician, psychologist, chef, maid and valet.

Maybe a kneeling bench would be appropriate for times when the head coach is granted an audience.

There’s obviously more to satisfying this guy than mere money. The little things in life are important too.

Like geography.

Lee Williams does not like to play defensive tackle. It could be that he suffers from claustrophobia and does not like to be confined inside walls of people. He prefers to play defensive end, where he apparently feels wild and free.

In truth, end is probably a lot more fun than tackle. It’s kind of the diamond lane of the defensive line. There’s not quite as much congestion between the end and the quarterback.

That, to be sure, is a big part of pleasing Williams. He wants to play where it is easier to graze on quarterbacks. The Chargers, in his mind, are rather inconsiderate in demanding that he play inside.

Interestingly, Williams averaged 11 sacks a season during his four years at end, then stepped up to 14 sacks when switched to tackle to 1989. He slipped to 8 1/2 sacks last year, but his teammates still voted him lineman of the year in another obvious showing of disrespect.

What are the Chargers to do with this guy? Do they ask him if he would feel more loved back at end? Would that be enough? Do they ask him if he would like to play quarterback . . . or maybe coach?

The bottom line is that they are playing him where they need him. They have three outstanding ends in Williams, Leslie O’Neal and Burt Grossman. O’Neal and Grossman would be undersized as tackles, but Williams has the size and strength to hold his own inside.

In essence, the fact that Williams was the guy moved inside is a tribute to his versatility and skills. A guy like that has to be appreciated.

Maybe the Chargers are simply not very good at expressing appreciation. Maybe they just aren’t very good at communicating their love.

They got it all wrong last fall when they renegotiated Lee Williams’ contract and gave him all that money.

Stupid them.

All he really wanted was a mail box full of Valentines.