Premarital Chats Highlight Pitfalls

“Save Your Marriage Ahead of Time” is an excellent preventive-law doctrine.

It is a concept based on understanding and planning for what can go wrong in a marriage.

It also happens to be the title of a worthwhile new book by Jacqueline Rickard, a former legal assistant in a New York law firm.

Most engaged couples don’t have a detailed negotiation about what should be in a premarital contract. And most don’t have a signed, written agreement.

This may be because neither party wants to start off the relationship talking about what to do if it falls apart.

This book shows that premarital contracts can be used to build a loving marriage based on reality rather than on romantic fantasy.

Rickard argues that couples should discuss the range of issues that might become points of contention in a marriage--from who takes out the trash or signs the checks to ownership of property.

Of course, no one is suggesting that a premarital agreement should be a divorce-decree-in-advance contract. But the author wrote the book partly because of her own experience.

“Memories of a bitter divorce motivated me to speak up,” she writes. “In our premarital contracting, I could talk frankly with Bob (her second husband), thanks to his support of my goal of making a legal contract, and our mutual desire to avoid divorce.

“The result was more than both of us expected: a deeper sense of love.”

In fact, throughout any successful marriage, husband and wife make agreements about many things, large and small.

People have expectations about each person’s role in the marriage--who should do which chores or take responsibility for specific activities--and many of these issues can be discussed in advance through the process of contracting.

You’ll learn about your partner’s expectations, even if you decide not to formalize things with a contract.

The process does not have to be painful. “To begin your discussion session, pick a subject to talk about that gives you both joy,” Rickard advises.

The discussion might get more sensitive when you talk about what property you own, and what will remain separate property, especially if there has been a previous marriage and messy divorce.

You’ll begin to understand how you reach decisions as a couple. You’ll see how you and your intended react to real and possible problems.

The book helps a lot, partly because it includes a sample prenuptial agreement. It even features a detailed “Schedule for Prenuptial Agreement Completion.” The book is published by M. Evans and Company and sells for $18.95.