In This Show, Sax Can Join Murderers’ Row

“The Simpsons” will have a baseball-flavored show on Thursday night called “Homer at the Bat.” In the episode, Homer’s boss at the nuclear power plant, Mr. Burns, bets $1 million on his company in a softball game played against another plant. To ensure a victory, Burns stacks the deck with a bunch of “part-time” employees: Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Jose Canseco, Darryl Strawberry, Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia, Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens and Ken Griffey Jr.

The voices used are those of the actual players. Terry Cashman, who wrote and sang “Talkin’ Baseball,” sings the closing song, “Talkin’ Softball.” The chorus goes as follows:

“We’re talkin’ softball

From Maine to San Diego

Talkin’ softball

Mattingly to Canseco

Ken Griffey’s grotesquely swollen jaw

Steve Sax and his run-ins with the law

We’re talkin’ Homer . . . Ozzie and the Straw . “ Wait a minute! Sax and his run-ins with the law? No, Cashman did not confuse Canseco and Sax. In the show, Sax is charged with every unsolved murder in New York.

Trivia time: Sax won the National League rookie of the year award in 1982, the fourth consecutive Dodger to win it. Who were the other three?

The lineup: Sax, 2b; Boggs, 3b; Strawberry, rf; Canseco, lf; Mattingly, 1b; Griffey, Jr. cf; Scioscia, c; Smith, ss; Clemens, p.

This figures: Scioscia, with his common-man image, is the only ringer who actually works for Mr. Burns at the power-plant. His job? Dumping nuclear waste.

This doesn’t figure: With two outs in the ninth, the bases loaded and the score tied, Strawberry is up. But Mr. Burns tells Strawberry to take a lap and hit the shower.

Strawberry: “What, you’re pitch-hitting for me?”

Burns: “Yes, you see, you’re a left-hander and so is the pitcher. If I send up a right-handed batter, it’s called playing the percentages. It’s what smart managers do to win ballgames.

Strawberry: “But I’ve got nine home runs today.”

Burns: “You should be very proud of yourself. Sit down. Simpson, you’re batting for Strawberry.”

Opinion: Leonard Shapiro of the Washington Post complains that CBS has made speedskater Dan Jansen’s loss in the 500-meter race into an American tragedy when, in fact, he has another chance to win a medal today in the 1,000 meters. Writes Shapiro: “I’m still waiting for someone to stop interviewing his wife, his mother, his father, his sister, his coach, his competition and to simply tell me about his realistic chances of success in the next race.”

Trivia answer: Rick Sutcliffe, 1979; Steve Howe, 1980; Fernando Valenzuela, 1981.

Quotebook: Cross-country relay champion Elena Valbe, whose Unified Team is serenaded by the Olympic anthem at medal ceremonies: “I hope that in Lillehammer (at the 1994 Winter Games) we’ll have our flag and our anthem. In my soul, I’ve always been a Russian.”